Stupid Things Love Makes A Birdkid Do
by FutureGingerQueen
Summary: Nudge tends to make Gazzy do stupid things, and it doesn't help that Iggy gives him stupid ideas.  Love is difficult.  Nazzy.
1. Realization

**Disclaimer:** Because I am a teenage girl, I am not JP. Because I am not JP, I own nothing. Therefore, because I am a teenage girl, I own nothing. Transitive property! Kind of… Well, not really.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Gazzy POV<strong>_

The day I realized I was in love with Nudge was the weirdest day of my life. Then again, when you have wings, like to blow stuff up, and live with a sexist pig named Iggy, life is never exactly "normal."

I must have been 19, and it was the love of my life's 21st birthday. She practically flew out of her room (no pun intended) with a huge grin lighting up her face, her hair sticking out at odd angles. Nudge was wearing a surprisingly casual outfit (for her) and for some strange reason, my palms got sweaty and I had a sudden urge to fix my hair. A demonic giggle was heard from across the room. What was Angel up to now?

_You looooooove her!_ That annoying voice in the back of my head, also known as my younger sister, said in a singsong tone that drove me nuts.

_Uh, no. She's practically my sister, and that's incest, _I thought back. Even if I thought Nudge did look pretty, I would never admit it.

_Max and Fang are dating and they were practically siblings,_ The demon child rebutted.

_Well, that's different, _I demanded. Max and Fang were perfect for each other, while Nudge and I… Well let's just say if I did love her it would be one-sided love. I'd never had an actual girlfriend, but don't tell Iggy that, and she had a new boyfriend every week. At this time it was a jerk named Fredrick who was cheating on her with five of her so-called friends.

_If you say so,_ Angel thought back whilst physically rolling her eyes at me. Hormonal pre-teen bird kids can be so irritating at times.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY NUDGE!" The whole flock plus Dr. M and Ella screamed. Nudge was beaming and for once was speechless. On the kitchen table was a three tier Funfetti cake with hot pink icing (complements of Iggy) that looked like it had been attacked with sprinkles (complements of yours truly.)

"SPRINKLES! ZOMG THIS IS THE BEST CAKE EVER! EEEEEEP!" Nudge yelled, practically inhaling the top tier of the cake. "Thanks, Iggy! It's amazing!"

"Why do you automatically assume Iggy baked it?" Max asked, getting defensive. "He's not the only bird-kid that can cook."

"Yes he is. Remember that incident at the E-shaped house with Jeb…" Fang said, almost showing emotion as he and Iggy shuddered.

"That was a long time ago," Max frowned. "My skills have improved."

"You got green cake batter on the ceiling a few months ago and the cookies you made last week ended up tasting like fish," Iggy pointed out.

Max frowned and yelled "DOES IT REALLY MATTER?"

"You brought it up…" I muttered in Fang's voice, barely loud enough for anyone to hear.

"Fang, what did you just say?" Max growled through clenched teeth. I gulped and prepared for Fang to be beaten to a pulp, but Nudge intervened.

"Max, calm down. Can you guys like, not fight on my birthday? It's a total downer. ZOMG you guys totally need to try the cake! It's the best cake I've ever had in my entire life! I don't care who baked it, I just want to eat it!"

After we ate the giant cake, Iggy cooked our actual breakfast, which consisted of bacon, eggs, more bacon, toast, more bacon, and, you guessed it, bacon.

"Present time!" Angel exclaimed as though she had just remembered that it was Nudge's birthday. "Nudge, open mine first!"

Of course, Angel had gotten Nudge exactly what she wanted; a pair of sparkly red shoes called "Tim's" or something of that sort. Next it was Fang's turn, he had gotten her a couple of shirts, obviously picked out by either Max or Angel. I'm not going to describe them because it would be pointless. Max, Dr. M, Ella, and even Total all bought her clothes as well, so Nudge was pretty ecstatic. Iggy's gift though was the most creative. As Nudge pulled out the sparkly purple journal with "Nudge" written on it in silver glittery letters, Iggy explained its purpose.

"You see, Nudge," Iggy began. "It is a well known fact that you tend to be a bit… loquacious. With my present, you can keep your garrulous demeanor while not actually talking. You can write down all your thoughts and ideas while still being quiet! Isn't it the best present ever?" Nudge did not look entertained, however Fang looked grateful for Iggy's, _thoughtful,_ gift.

After Iggy finished instructing Nudge "how to hold a pen" and "why saving your voice will help you in the future," it was my turn to give Nudge her gift. As she opened the small package her dark brown eyes lit up and she gave me a hug.

"It's beautiful, Gaz," She timidly said as she slipped the silver necklace out of its case. The pendant was shaped like a heart with wings embellished with blue rhinestones, and on the inside, the words "Happy Birthday Nudge! Love, the Gasman" were engraved. "Can you help me put it on?"

I nodded in response and took the necklace from her. She smiled at me and moved her massive amount of hair out of the way so I could put it on for her.

"Zomg, thank you guys so much! I hate to leave you guys, but Frederick wanted to take me for a walk in the park and then out to lunch at 1:30. Isn't he just the best boyfriend ever? Ok, love you guys, see you later!" As Nudge scurried out of the house Max sighed, probably her maternal instincts acting up again, with her babies growing up and all. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only flock member that finds it creepy that Max thinks of us as her children.

_It's not just you; don't worry,_ Angel reassured me.

"Hey, Gaz," Iggy said, a mischievous look on his face. "We should hang out today; you know, go into town, get some lunch."

"Did you just ask Gazzy out?" Ella asked her boyfriend jokingly. "Because if you are, you might as well take him to dinner and a movie."

"Yes, Ella," Iggy sarcastically replied. "I'm leaving you for my nineteen year-old secret lover who is a pyromaniac just like me. Try not to cry too much."

"Don't get full of yourself, Ig. You aren't that special,"

"Mmhmm," Iggy replied. "No, but seriously Gazzy, we need to go pick up some… stuff, if you know what I mean." I knew exactly what he meant.

"Sure, Iggy," I said with a hopefully not-too-demonic grin. "Let's go get some… lunch."

* * *

><p>Thirty minutes later, Iggy and I were standing in front of a tanning salon in downtown Mesa.<p>

"Iggy, what the hell are we doing here?" I asked tentatively. "Aren't we just going to get the Francium we needed for our next bomb?"

"No, young grasshopper," Iggy shook his head spastically and laughed like an evil genius. "I have noticed that you are smitten with a certain talkative flock member." I hung my head in shame, not even bothering to argue with Iggy as he continued speaking. "In order for you to even consider dating you, grasshopper, you need to make the girl jealous. But don't worry, I already picked up the Francium."

"And where do you come into this?" I asked my slightly delusional pyromaniac best friend.

"Due to the fact that you do not have a girlfriend and cannot get anyone to go out with you, I will offer my services as a cross-dresser in order to save your love life." Iggy said heroically.

"Okay… Now, why are we at a tanning salon?"

"I need a disguise, and the best possible way for me to not look like Iggy is a spray tan, full on Snooki orange." Iggy grinned.

"But don't spray tans last a long time, like up to a few months? Besides, how would you know what Snooki looks like?" I asked, still not loving this idea.

"They can't last that long, Gazzy. Plus, I looked up a remedy that gets rid of them in about fifteen minutes, and Nudge is good at describing things. Besides, I can feel colors remember? So, what do you think of my plan, love monkey?"

"I think you're delusional," Was my honest reply. "Wait, you felt Snooki?"

"A picture," Iggy clarified. "I'm getting my spray tan done in five minutes and we have reservations at Le Fabulousat 1:30. Now come on, it's almost my turn. Oh, and on the date, my name's Tiffany." I checked my watch; we had approximately three hours to turn Iggy into the beautiful Tiffany.

"Jeffery Martinez?" The lady at the counter called. "It's your turn, sir."

"See you in a few, Zephyr," Iggy winked as he used my codename for around town. The entire flock, minus Max, used them so no one could figure out who we really were.

The time Iggy spent doing who knows what to get tan went by painfully slow. It didn't help that there was some creepy old lady staring at me the entire time like a pedophile and she kept offering me candy bars. Just the thought of her want-filled eyes made me more afraid than the whitecoats ever could.

Finally, after who knows how long, an orange version of Iggy walked, no, pranced down the hallway. At first I wasn't even sure if it really was Iggy, due to the fact that he looked like a platinum blond, six-foot tall, less oompa-loompa-like Snooki. I almost screamed at the sight of my poor Iggy.

"I look good, don't I?" He said, grinning from ear to ear. It's a shame he couldn't see my traumatized look and tangerine colored flesh. Well, maybe it's better for him not to know how terrible he looked.

"Uh, yeah. You look great, Ig," I lied, shuddering. "Can't even tell that it's you. Now, how exactly are we supposed to turn you into Tiffany?"

"I know a guy," Iggy said mysteriously. This was going to be interesting.

* * *

><p>I'm going to spare you the details of Iggy's makeover, mainly due to the fact that half the time I had no freaking idea what was going on. All I know is that after 45 minutes of Iggy's screams, (the waxing was particularly hilarious) we had lost an Iggy and gained a Tiffany. Honestly, I had no idea how to react.<p>

"I look hot, don't I?" Iggy/Tiffany asked me. "My friend Julio here is the best at special effect make up, so I gave him our Francium in exchange for a makeover."

"YOU GAVE HIM OUR FRANCIUM?" I screamed. "No girl is worth giving up our Francium! What were you thinking?"

"Calm down, calm down," He said. "I was just kidding. There is no way I would ever exchange our Francium. I gave him the pure Potassium. We can get more of that from Stan anytime." I sighed from relief, knowing that our water-reactive bomb was still a possibility.

"Wow," I marveled at how girly Iggy looked. He was wearing more makeup than Max would wear in her entire lifetime, a miniskirt, a turquoise tank top and a black and white striped cardigan-thing. His dark brown wig was pulled up in a high ponytail, and s/he wore a pair of silver sparkly Converse. He wore a pair of giant fly-like sunglasses, and if he wasn't orange or Iggy, he might've actually made a cute girl. "You don't look THAT terrible."

"Thank you, lovahh," Iggy said with a wink, making me cringe. "I'm just your dream girl, aren't I?"

"No, you just look skanky," I clarified. "Nudge isn't a skank. She's fashionable, but makes sure that she makes a good impression based off of her outfits. Damn it! I'm turning all mushy. WHAT HAS THAT GIRL DONE TO ME?"

"Ah, the young bird kid is in love," Iggy said wistfully. "Love is a dreary existence, only make bearable by hearing her voice. At least you can see Nudge's face; I can only imagine Ella's smile."

This may have been the most non-perverted conversation I've had with Iggy that wasn't about Pokémon or bombs. "But at least you know Ella feels the same way as you do. Nudge still sees me as that little boy that used to blow up her underwear and fart way too much for anyone's well being."

"Which is why you must now make up for that by charming the female specimen. Show her how much of a douche her date is, be super nice to her, offer to buy dinner, et cetera. Be sexy, like George Clooney!" Ah, how I appreciate Iggy and his… interesting advice.

I nodded and looked at my watch, noticing that it was close to 1:30. "We should probably head over to the restaurant, Ig," I said.

"Who's Ig?" Iggy said in a high-pitched tone. "Are you cheating on me, Zephyr? I thought you loved me!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Tiffany," I sarcastically mumbled. "I love you more than anything and I didn't mean to call you Ig. I would never try to insult you by calling you such an offensive word."

"Heyyyyy," S/he said, making it sound like there were a billion y's at the end of the word. "I bet your friend Ig is like, super sexy and macho and amazing… Like Spiderman and Zac Efron combined!"

"Please, never do that again. If you say anything like that again I swear I will cut off my wings and jump off a building. Just… don't," I begged.

"Fine," Iggy pouted, which just looked wrong. "Now we need to get to the restaurant, pronto."

We hopped in my car and I drove through town until I found the bright purple building with pink neon lights that spelled "Le Fabulous." I swear my testosterone levels dropped just by looking at this building. Everything was so… girly. But if it would make Nudge happy I would run around on all fours after being tarred-and-feathered screaming "I LOVE YOU MORE THAN BACON!" Man, I'm desperate.

When we walked in the building, I directed Iggy to the front desk and told the lady our names. A waitress named Jessica showed us to our table, obviously trying to show off her cleavage. After she bumped into Iggy/Tiffany, it became obvious to him/her what the woman was doing.

"Are you trying to seduce my man?" Iggy asked the waitress in an annoyed tone.

"Of course not, miss," she replied, obviously embarrassed.

"I'm not blind," He retorted, his lips threatening to curl into a sarcastic smile. "Lay off my man, sweetheart." After showing us our table, Jessica walked off with her head held low, obviously embarrassed.

Luckily, our table was right next to Nudge and Fredrick's. Nudge looked extremely confused as we sat down, but Fredrick was completely unfazed and kept rambling on about how much he hated towels and hot they would take over the world. Nudge barely had a chance to speak, which has never happened before.

"Uh, hi, Zephyr," She said, cutting off Fredrick. "What are you doing here and who's your friend?"

"I'm Tiffany!" Iggy exclaimed in that really annoying high-pitched voice. "I'm Zephyr's new girlfriend. Isn't he so dreamy! He's macho too, like George Clooney!"

I mentally slapped Iggy but managed a smile on the outside. "Uh, Tiffany, this is Monique, my friend."

Nudge seemed to examine Tiffany for a few seconds, hoping to figure out more about her, then finally gave her an awkward smile and extended her hand. "Hi, Tiffany, it's so great to meet you! I'm Monique, as Ga-Zephyr said before. I'm so glad he found a girl as pretty as you! I'm sure we're going to be great friends. This is my boyfriend, Fredrick, by the way."

"Hey," Fredrick said. "Wow, you look ter-, I mean, really nice. Now, Monique, darling, do you want to know the main reason I hate towels?"

"Not really," Nudge grumbled. This guy was driving her insane, why would she even agree to date him?

"They're itchy and they are going to try to suffocate us in our sleep if we give them the chance." _If I don't first,_ I thought. "Who cares about the zombie apocalypse, we should be more concerned with the towel apocalypse!"

"Um, that's great, honey," Nudge said, completely confused. "So, Zephyr, Tiffany, how long have you two been dating."

"This is our-" I began, but was cut off by my cross-dressing friend.

"This is our first date!" He said, overly excited. "Zephyr is the most amazing guy, like, ever, don't you think? He has such a knack with explosives, and he cares about my feelings!"

I mentally cursed at Iggy. He was going to give us away, with all this mushy talk. Iggy/Tiffany just winked at me and blew a kiss, which made me even more frustrated with him/her.

"Wow," Nudge said, sounding surprised. "I had no idea you could be so sweet, Zephyr."

"So, Tiffany," Fredrick said, interrupting. "How do you feel about towels?"

"Uh, they're okay, I guess," Iggy replied with a shrug.

"THEY"RE OKAY?" Fredrick practically screamed. "Towels are going to lead the apocalypse. They're itchy and are just waiting for the perfect moment to strangle you in your sleep. Don't you agree with me?"

"Um, sure?" Iggy made the words sound more like a question than a statement.

As Iggy and Fredrick conversed about the impending towel apocalypse, Nudge and I began to talk.

"So, my little Gazzy finally found a girl," She said, a tad bit wistfully. "She seems very… nice. Almost Iggy-like even. That's kind of weird though. I would never want you to date a girl too much like Iggy. That'd just be disgusting and wrong. Like incest almost, and that's just gross. How Max and Fang got past the whole we're-practically-siblings-yet-we're-dating thing I'll never understand."

I smiled. This was the overly talkative Nudge I knew and was falling in love with. Earlier that day I would have never admitted that I was in love with her, but Iggy getting a spray tan just to make a girl jealous for you really opens a bird kid's mind about things.

"Do I have something in my teeth?" Nudge asked nervously. "You're looking at me all creeper-like and I don't really understand why. I must look really stupid. Gosh, what is wrong with me? I always do really stupid stuff and look really stupid, and in public too! And now everyone in the room is probably looking at me and thinking, 'Wow, she's stupid.'"

"Don't worry, there's nothing in your teeth," I said, trying not to grin at how adorable she looked when she worried. Damn it, snap out of it man. It was just Nudge. Practically-incest is never a good move.

"Good," She replied, looking relieved. "So, Tiffany, how did you meet Zephyr? I want to know the whole story."

Iggy apparently had this whole thing planned out to be as embarrassing for me as possible, and I began to realize this was a really stupid idea as soon as he started talking. "Well, I was ice skating with my younger brother a few days ago, and I noticed him from across the room. Obviously he noticed me too, because I soon noticed him skating my way. Unfortunately, he fell flat on his face and almost got ran over by some ten-year-old little girl! I managed to help him get off of the ice and over to a bench and we just clicked instantly. I mean, he's just so perfect! Wouldn't you just like to suck this face, Monique?"

"Um, did you just ask me if I wanted to make out with your date?" Nudge asked awkwardly.

"Yes, yes I did. Now, I want an answer. Would you tap that?" He asked again, motioning towards me. Fredrick's face was getting redder by the second.

"Uh, he's like a little brother to me, and I have a boyfriend," She replied. "Do you want to make out with your brother even though you have a boyfriend?"

Iggy shrugged. "Incest isn't always that bad." My face paled. Iggy was making me look like I was into freaky girls who practiced incest! What was he thinking? Nudge wasn't into guys into girls into incest! And to make matters worse, this was the exact moment the waiter came to bring us the check, however, no one other than me saw him.

"Uh, you're into incest?" Fredrick asked Iggy with wide eyes. "That's interesting… and illegal. Isn't it awkward?"

"Only after you break up," Iggy said with a sad expression. "So many of my family members aren't close anymore due to the break ups. My cousin and I haven't talked in years."

"OK, Tiffany," I interrupted. "I think it's time for us to go. We wouldn't want to intrude on Monique and Fredrick's date, would we? Let's go… anywhere but here really. Goodbye Fredrick, Monique. It's been nice seeing you again."

"Do we have to leave?" Iggy asked in a whiny tone. He must have felt my grip on his arm tighten because he quickly managed to say goodbye. "Nice meeting you, two. We should totally hang out sometime!"

"Bye," Nudge said, eager to watch us go.

As soon as we left the building, Iggy spoke. "I think that went well. You know, I really like that Fredrick guy. He's pretty awesome. I can totally see why Nudge- Oh wait, wrong thing to say."

Getting Nudge to fall in love with me would be a living hell.


	2. Breakfast in Boxers

**Chapter 2**

**Author's Note: **

Okay, I can officially die happy for three reasons:

I introduced two people to the wonderful-ness of cardigans.

My niece learned how to do the "Fin-Noggin-Dude" thing from Finding Nemo.

And people actually reviewed! Oh my gosh, I am so overly excited about that! Thanks to everyone who reviewed!

Also, I might not update too regularly due to the fact that school practically controls my life. Even during the summer. (Thanks, dad. I always wanted to do PE for 6 and a half hours Monday through Thursday for 6 weeks. Who doesn't?)

Oh, and this chapter is shorter than I wanted it to be... I aim for around 3,500 words, but eh, oh well. And sorry, Classy for not sending you the entire thing. I had to get it up!

Anyways… on with the story!

* * *

><p>I woke up the next morning to the smell of pancakes. Not just any pancakes, either, these were banana pancakes, the bane of Iggy's existence. Due to a terrifying childhood experience, Iggy never cooked banana pancakes unless we had visitors to our newest humble abode. (Don't ask what happened to the last place, we're still in hiding.) We hardly ever had visitors, mostly because the flock members were afraid our apartment would spontaneously combust from sizeable amounts of illegal chemicals, and Ella hated bananas, so that she obviously wasn't the mysterious visitor.<p>

As I ran through a list of possible visitors, I heard voices and came to a startling realization; all of my clothes were in the living room because I was too lazy to unpack and the visitors were Nudge and Angel. Frantically looking around for something to wear, another realization was made: the only clothes I was wearing were Power Ranger boxers. Shit.

_Angel,_ I thought. _Help, help, help!_

_Nope,_ Demon Child responded. _I know that you refer to me as 'Demon Child' behind my back, so the answer is no. Also, I realize that Mr. Waffles did not run away. You KILLED him testing out one of your silly pipe bombs. It wasn't even a cool bomb! He deserved to at least be killed by something cool, not just a stupid PIPE BOMB._

_It was Iggy's idea! Make him suffer, not me! _It was times like these where I wished I had super speed or mind control, not just the ability to mimic people's voices.

_Too bad,_ Demon Child responded and I could tell she'd stopped listening to my thoughts. That girl drives me crazy sometimes. Scratch that, all the time.

At that moment, I felt like screaming, cursing to the wind. If my life were a musical, this moment would be composed of a moving ballad where I found not only the solution to my problem, but the meaning of life. Oh, life would be so much easier if it were a musical. Except for the fact that I would have to listen to Max sing, and trust me you do not ever want to hear that. I do wish I could hear Fang sing though…

My mind was a blur at that moment; half of it was still imagining Fang serenading Max, the other half debating whether or not embarrass myself in front of Nudge. Due to the fact that my stomach was all but screaming at me to get some breakfast and I smelled bacon, I decided to go get breakfast and act like I wasn't wearing Power Ranger boxers and nothing else.

I stood in the hallway, listening to Iggy and Nudge's conversation, waiting for the best moment to sneak in and grab my pants.

"I don't know, Iggy," Nudge said wistfully. "I love Fredrick, I really do. I'm just not sure if it would be the best thing to… you know. When it finally happens, I want to make sure that everyone's safe and there's no awkwardness after, you know what I mean."

"It isn't that hard, trust me. It'll be awkward considering it's his first time, but not that hard. Then again, Ella and I didn't have all those 'oh yeah, I have wings, sorry I didn't tell you' problems. Just make sure no one breaks anything in the process." At that moment, it hit me what Nudge and Iggy were talking about. Nudge was considering sleeping with Fredrick.

"Do you think doing it is really a good idea? What will Max think?" Nudge sounded worried, but Iggy was encouraging her. What kind of a friend was he, encouraging the love of my life to sleep with another man?

"Just do it, Nudge. Live life with no regrets, and do it," Iggy said.

"NO!" I yelled, bursting into the room. "Don't do it, Nudge! Sleeping with Fredrick will be the worst mistake you'll ever make!"

Nudge looked at me like I was insane. "What the hell are you talking about? I'm not planning on sleeping with Fredrick! I'm inviting him to a flock dinner! I wanted everyone's opinion on him before I decided to keep dating him! God, Gazzy, I didn't think you were one to jump to conclusions like that." Nothing was said about the boxers, which was a relief, but by the look on her face I had worse things to worry about. "Who the hell do you think I am, to consider having sex without telling a guy my real name and ask IGGY for advice?"

"Uh, dude," Iggy said, interrupting Nudge. "Why are you wearing Power Ranger boxers?"

"All my clothes are still in the moving boxes," I explained through clenched teeth. "I had no way of getting clothes without coming through here, and Angel wouldn't help me."

"Well, this is awkward," Demon Child said. Reading my thoughts, (and probably everyone else's) she added, "I thought it would be funny, okay? It was funny; for me."

"Angel," Nudge said, rubbing her temples like she does when she's angry. She's so cute when she's angry. Scary, but still adorable. "I honestly have no idea what to say-"

"That says a lot," Iggy added.

"Not helping, Iggy," Nudge said. "Now, Gazzy, why don't you put some pants on and we can figure out when the flock is available for dinner with Fredrick. Please, Iggy, do not give him the talk you gave my last boyfriend. I don't want to feel responsible for anyone else going insane due to the fact that you repeatedly threatened to rip off his reproductive organs when he wasn't looking and then following him around."

"Fine," Iggy grumbled disappointedly. I honestly didn't mind Iggy sending Nudge's boyfriends to therapy. Maybe if all the guys she found attractive were crazy, she'd go out with me. Probably not though, considering my fake girlfriend did practice incest and had a Snooki-tan.

I decided to follow Nudge's advice and grabbed my box of clothing, taking it into my bedroom. As I changed, I swore I could hear her sigh from the living room.

* * *

><p>The flock dinner was held at Max and Fang's house at six thirty that night, and when I arrived, Nudge was already there with Fredrick. He was talking with Max about eggplants, and how it wouldn't surprise him if they turned out to be terrorists.<p>

"Did you know that eggplants contain the toxin Solanine and reactions to the poison can range from mild nausea to uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea. In severe cases, hallucinations, paralysis, fever, and dilated pupils have been reported. Also, in large quantities solanine poisoning can be fatal. However, there is no data proving that eggplants are terrorists. That's just a conspiracy theory, Fredrick," I said, going into nerd-that-knows-too-much-crap mode. How I knew all this stuff, I have no freaking idea.

Fredrick huffed out of frustration. "Well, it's extremely possible that they're terrorists. They're just… sneaky." Max looked as though she was trying not to crack up from his abstract notions.

"That is very possible, Fredrick," She finally managed. "Zephyr just likes to be a smart ass. Just look on the bright side; at least you don't have Solanine poisoning."

"Hey guys," Nudge said, walking over. "Oh, I see you chose to wear pants today, Zephyr." At Fredrick's shocked expression and Max's amused one, Nudge added, "I was just commenting on his fashionable attire."

"Fredrick, Zephyr, come outside with us," Iggy said, motioning towards where he and Fang were standing. We all walked outside and I immediately knew why. It was time to give Fredrick a stern talking-to.

"Now, Fredrick," Fang said, feeling talkative. "Monique is very special to us, and no one is ever allowed to hurt her and go without consequences."

"Do you know what the consequences are for hurting her?" I continued, just as we had done before. All of Nudge and Angel's boyfriends received these practiced talks. Neither of them had fathers, so we took the roles. Fredrick nervously shook his head and we continued.

"You see, if you harm her in any way whatsoever, you will mysteriously disappear, never to be seen again," Iggy said in an icy tone. "If you get her pregnant, your testicles will mysteriously disappear."

Fredrick nodded and Fang continued with his signature threat. "You see, Fredrick, I have a shotgun, a shovel and no one's going to miss you. Do you understand?" Fredrick nodded, and Fang spoke again. "Use your words, boy," He snarled.

"Y-y-yes, sir," Fredrick said as he trembled. "I understand, sir."

"Now, don't think we're done here," I added. "If anything happens to Monique and I hear about it, You shall be visited by none other than Tiffany. She's not really my girlfriend, but a hit man. She works for an elite group of people supporting the towel revolution. Tiffany, better known as Agent 3.1415, is also closely related with the eggplant terrorists, so you should be even more worried. If you hurt Monique, she will find you and send the towels. Jeffery, is there anything you'd like to add?"

Iggy nodded. "If Monique hears about this conversation, all the previous threats will be used as if you had hurt her. Nick?"

"Do not doubt Max and Ariel's abilities to cause you extreme pain. They have less mercy than us, but are too busy distracting Monique to talk to you. You're lucky this time, boy," Fang said, his almost-black eyes burning a hole in Fredrick's petrified blue orbs.

"Now, come on inside!" Iggy said chirpily. "We don't want dinner to get cold, do we?" He patted Fredrick on the back, and led him inside.

While Iggy and Fredrick went inside, Fang remained outside with me while I contained myself. I'd always hated the boyfriend talks, but now I fully understood why. It wasn't only the fact that I loved Nudge, it was because I didn't want to think about anyone causing her any harm, be it physical or emotional. She meant more to me than all the Francium in the world, and I would probably sell Angel if it meant making Nudge happy.

"You really love her, don't you," Fang said, surprising me.

"Is it that obvious?" I groaned as he shrugged. "What other flock members know? Did Angel tell?"

"Angel hasn't told anyone, and Max doesn't know. Neither do Dr. M or Total, and I'm guessing Iggy knows," He explained.

"How could you tell?" I couldn't help but ask this question due to the fact that the only people who had figured it out that weren't mind readers were Fang and Iggy.

"Your expressions today," He calmly replied. "You literally lit up when she entered the room, and looked as though you wanted to murder Fredrick in an extremely painful way. All men truly in love with a woman have and can recognize that look, which is why it was so obvious to Iggy and I. Max is a bit unobservant at times when it comes to what people are feeling, but you probably already knew that. She tries to know everything, but there's no way she would ever be able to handle it all. Now, let's go inside so I can get back to my usual emotionless self, please." While I tried to process the unnaturally deep thing Fang had just said, we walked inside.

Everyone was getting ready for dinner, which consisted of roast beef, red potatoes, asparagus, and some other good food, courtesy of Iggy. We all sat down and Dr. M led us into the stupid "and how was your day?" stereotypical dinner conversation which was normal for any other family.

"So, Ariel, how was your day?" She began, starting with the youngest.

"Good, Nudge and I visited Jeff and Zephyr," Nudge snickered at that comment. "But nothing too exciting other than that."

"Sounds like fun, honey. How was your day Zephyr?" Dr. M said, and I repressed the urge to drop kick Angel because of her facial expression.

"Boring," I said, staring straight at the Demon Child. "No school, no work, so I just watched TV."

"How are your grades? Good, I assume."

"Mom," Max said matter-of-factly. "He's a chemistry major. There's no way Zephyr could fail anything chemistry related."

"That is true, Max," Dr. M said as if she didn't really care. "Did anything exciting happen to anyone else today?"

Nudge smiled demonically and spoke. "Well, today I learned which Power Ranger is Zephyr's favorite." At that comment, Iggy and Angel erupted into uncontrollable laughter.

"Should I be concerned?" Max replied with one eyebrow raised.

"No, I think the question is if Tiffany should be concerned," Nudge replied in a snarky tone as Fredrick shuddered at the name.

"Who's Tiffany?" Max probed with wide eyes. "Did Zephyr finally get a girlfriend?"

"No," I said. "I can honestly say that I would never, ever date anyone like Tiffany. Ever. Let's just leave it at that."


	3. It's Unisex!

**Chapter 3**

There I was, enjoying my lunch that consisted of bacon and basically nothing else when Iggy walked into the room, looking serious.

"Gazzy," he said, taking in a deep breath. "I need to tell you something extremely important."

"Oh, God, Iggy," I began panicking, which anyone would do if they were in my current situation. "What the hell did you do?"

"Nothing bad, I promise," Iggy attempted to reassure me, but his tone didn't entirely convince me.

"Then what is so important?" I questioned, curious as to what we would be almost arrested for this time. I swear if Angel weren't able to mind control the police, Iggy and I would have been to jail multiple time. Of course, that didn't change my views on her being a Demon Child who was out to get me.

"I, well, I don't know how to say this," Iggy struggled to find words, which made him sound like he was trying to break out with somebody. "Okay, I'm just going to come out and say it," He took a deep breath as though the next words were going to infuriate me. "I bought us a canary."

"A canary?" I asked, muddled by what he had just said. My emotions shifted from relieved, to confused, to slightly annoyed, and then back to relieved again. I would never truly understand Iggy's judgment.

"Yes, a canary," Iggy nodded and looked relieved that I hadn't yelled at him. "I need you help naming her though. I was thinking we could call her Iggy Jr., but I want your opinion. Maybe Eugene? Honestly I have no idea, but I think Iggy Jr. is the best, don't you?"

"You want to name your _female_ canary Iggy Jr.?" I replied, genuinely concerned about my friend's mental health. If he kept acting like this, we'd be visiting him in a straightjacket and asking him not to bite Dr. M's elbows.

"Yes, I want to name her Iggy Jr.," Iggy said, getting defensive. "It is a perfectly respectable name for her."

"It's a guy's name, Ig," I pointed out and watched my blind friend's face turn red with anger.

"It's unisex!" He protested, dead set on naming his pet canary Iggy Jr.

"Can't you just name her Tweety or something remotely normal like that?" I begged, wishing for something, anything average in my life, even if it was just the name of a canary.

"No! Her name shall not be normal or average or mediocre, whatever you want to call it. Her name shall be amazing, just like her," Iggy demanded, tearing up a bit as he spoke.

"FINE!" I yelled, irritated and tired of arguing with Iggy. "Then her name shall be… Bacon. Yeah, Bacon. That works."

Iggy seemed to mull over the name for a moment before deciding whether or not it was the right name for the canary. "Baconette," he replied, extending a hand as a sign of compromise.

"Baconette it is," I said, shaking his hand. "Now, Baconette is your responsibility because you were the one who bought her." Iggy nodded and I looked at the clock. "Okay I've got to go to work so you're alone until Ella comes over when she's back from work. Don't burn the house down without me."

"Oxygen-Potassium," He said with a grin. "Adios, mi amigo."

"Adios," I added as I left the house. Oh, Iggy.

* * *

><p>Larry's Lobster Shack was directly across from Le Fabulous, Nudge's favorite restaurant and right next to Vinnie's Antiques Store. Basically all the employees were fellow college students, minus Crazy Joe who had to be at least 100 years old and who was constantly having spasms in the kitchen. As bad as Crazy Joe's spasms were, the worst part about the lobster shack was definitely the uniform. Every waiter and waitress had to wear a sea creature costume, which made everything more difficult. Not to mention my starfish outfit had a strange odor coming from the inside. So much fun. This particular day started out normal but things got interesting quickly.<p>

Around a half hour before my shift was over, a few familiar faces decided to show up for dinner. Nudge, Fredrick, some chick I'd never seen before and, you guessed it, Tiffany, waltzed through the door, and of course I had to serve them.

I acted as though I didn't recognize them and preceded acting like they were normal customers. "Hello, my name's Zephyr and I'll be your server for the evening. Can I get you anything before I take your order?"

"I know what I want," The girl I didn't know spoke. "Do you want me to spell it out? Because I can spell it out."

"Um, okay?" I asked, wondering what the hell she was smoking.

"Y-O-U," she spelled in a hushed tone and Iggy looked like he was about to burst into laughter.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but that's not on the menu," I nervously replied, wanting to fly away at super-Max-speed.

"Violet," Iggy said in his Tiffany-voice. "Off limits. He's my ex-boyfriend. I dumped him last week. Not worth your time, darling'." I wished Iggy could have seen the relieved look on my face.

"Break ups are just conspiracy theories," Fredrick said, butting into the conversation as usual with his odd comments.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Nudge asked, rubbing her temples in that adorable way. Aww she looked so pretty.

"Life is just one big conspiracy theory," Fredrick said, his face red. "Why do you not understand that? I've tried to explain this to you multiple times but you just don't get it, and that's beginning to get on my nerves."

"Maybe it's because you don't make any freaking sense!" Nudge yelled at him. "If you weren't so damn paranoid maybe you'd have time to enjoy life and be a good boyfriend!"

"You don't think I'm a good boyfriend?" He asked sounding shocked. "I'm not the one going around wearing a necklace that someone else bought for me! Have you even worn the bracelet I bought you?"

Nudge looked ashamed for a moment but quickly gained the courage to defend herself. "He's practically my brother!" My heart sunk as she said that. Nothing felt worse to me than being seen as her little brother. "And you can take back the bracelet if you want to!" Nudge screamed and ran out of the restaurant, tears in her eyes and Fredrick stormed out after her.

"Well," I said, shocked by what had happened. "My shift is over so if you still want to eat here, Alex will be your new server." After I said that, I hurried out of the room.

* * *

><p>I awoke from my nap to three sharp knocks on the front door. Somehow I had managed to collapse from exhaustion after a long day of school and work. Glancing at the watch on my wrist, I realized it was 8:03 PM. I looked through the door-hole-thing and saw that Nudge was the visitor. She looked nervous and super hot, but her eyes were red and puffy as though she had been crying for quite some time.<p>

"Hey," I said coolly as I opened the door. "Come inside, sit back, relax, eat some bacon."

"Do you and Iggy have an endless supply of bacon or something because every time I come over you have at least 10 pounds on hand," She said, stepping inside my humble abode.

"Well, you know us," I replied, shrugging. Nudge laughed and then sighed; something was obviously wrong. "Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I'm tired of keeping secrets, Gazzy. I hate being two different people and Fredrick not knowing the real me. When I'm Monique, I can't help but feel guilty about not telling him who I really am, but I know that he couldn't handle the truth. If I tell Fredrick about the wings and what happened to us, he'd think it was some conspiracy theory and go insane. I honestly have no idea what to do." Nudge looked close to tears as she spoke.

I thought for a second before speaking. "You can physically fly away, but you cannot emotionally fly away from your problems. However, a small escape is beneficial every once in awhile."

"You're right," Nudge mused, nodding. "What are your plans for tomorrow? Are you up to anything special?"

"No work, no school, so absolutely nothing."

"Wrong," she replied, extending her tawny wings. "You're coming with me." Nudge then ran outside and took off with grace. I smiled to myself for a moment before catching up to her.

"Where are we going?" I yelled, not knowing if she'd even hear me.

"California!" She squealed excitedly.

"Not Death Valley, I hope," I replied, shuddering at thoughts of the School.

"Hell no!" Nudge yelled back. "Bodega Bay."

It didn't take us too long to land in the town of Bodega, California, and we quickly found a small hotel to stay the night at. I slept on the couch, letting Nudge have the bed. Luckily, I woke up earlier than her, so I was able to order room service to eat on the terrace. That's relatively romantic, right? Not that I could really be romantic, she was still dating Fre-dick.

Finally she woke up and saw the food I had ordered. Her face lit up and she smiled uncontrollably. "Oh, Gazzy," She said, blushing. "You're such an idiot." Well, that's not the reaction I was hoping for. "You didn't need to get me breakfast! We could've just stopped at McDonald's or something on the way." Oh. She was grateful. Phew.

I shrugged. "You deserve something special. After all, we are technically on vacation." Nudge smiled, causing me to grin goofily in response. What can I say, that girl makes me do strange things.

My phone vibrated on the table, so I obviously went to go check it. Seventeen new messages?

**Joey: When are we gonna start our project?**

**Max: Ru home?**

**Max: Gaz, where ru?**

**Max: Whats up?**

**Max: Where the hell ru?**

**Max: Call me or I'm calling the cops.**

**Max: …Gazzy?**

**Max: Iggy says ur dead…**

**Max: ANSWER ME OR I'LL FREAKING KILL YOU!**

**Fang: Max is freaking out. Call her.**

**Angel: Have fun with Nudge :) Haven't told Max yet.**

**Ella: Where's Nudge?**

**Ella: Ig's freaking out… Call us now.**

**Dr. M: We're worried, Gaz. Where are you?**

**Angel: LOL They're freaking out!**

**Violet: What's up?**

**Max: DON'T DIE GAZZY! Oh crap… you're dead… nooooooooo**

I groaned. What is wrong with Max? She's not my mom, even if she acts like it. Besides, it's not like I'm nine anymore, I'm freaking nineteen. Time to call the crazy Momma Grizzly. Funnn.

"Gazzy?" She asked, sounding like she was on the verge of tears. "Are you alive? You're alive! Fang, stop the Amber Alert! He's alive!"

"Yes, Max, I'm alive," I said, sighing.

"Is Nudge with you? Is she alive? Did you murder her? Gazzy, how could you?" Max screamed into the phone.

"Yes, Nudge is with me and alive, and no I did not murder her. I'm not Iggy, you know."

"Where the hell are you?" Momma Bear demanded, shifting from the worried, caring parent to the angry one.

"Somewhere in California," I casually replied. "We went for a fly last night and decided to stay. We'll probably be back either tonight or tomorrow morning though."

"Oh, okay," Max sounded relieved that both of us were safe. "Make sure to call somebody next time you disappear, do you understand me, Gazzy? Damn, I wish you had a full name so my threat would sound more serious and effective."

"Yes, Max, I understand you," I said, trying not to laugh at her last comment. "Can you tell the rest of the flock for me? I really don't feel like calling and explaining to everyone. Talk to you later."

"Okay, Gaz. I'll see you when you get home. Love you. Kind of," Max replied, hanging up.

When I finished calling Iggy and texting Angel telling her how much I hated her at this moment in time, I went back out to the terrace with Nudge.

"Let me guess," Nudge said, giggling. She looked adorable when she giggled. "You got 10 texts and three voicemails from the flock and ended up having to call Max and explain everything."

"17 texts and 5 voicemails actually," I replied coolly. "Max thought I was dead because Iggy told her so and Angel decided not to tell anyone that we were safe. Then when I called Max she asked if I had murdered you. Also, Fan actually texted me."

"Damn," Nudge looked astonished. "They really were worried. Oh well, they'll get over it."

"Eventually," I added.

Nudge laughed and continued talking. "Okay, so where do you want to go first?" We were both wearing the clothes from the day before so there was no need to waste time on pointless things like changing.

"You pick," I said. "I've never been here before, so you need to show me everything." I could tell Nudge liked the sound of that.

"Let's check out of the hotel and I'll take you to the best salt water taffy store in the entire world," She said with a grin.

Turns out, there are literally hundreds of salt-water taffy stores in Bodega Bay, and Nudge had been to them all. Her favorite was Sally's Salt Water Taffy, which was a tiny hot pink building next to a liquor store. According to the old, worn out sign on the front of the building, they had "good kites, great service, and the best taffy around." Nudge smiled as we walked through the bright colored door, and I wondered when she had come to Bodega Bay.

"Welcome to Sally's Taffy, darlings," An elderly woman with a slight Southern accent said as we walked in. "If ya'll have any questions, feel free to ask me!"

The store was crammed ceiling to floor with barrels of taffy and other candies of every shape size and color. Nudge grabbed my hand and two giant baskets and dragged me to the giant barrels of taffy. She directed herself straight over to the watermelon taffy, which was definitely her favorite. One basket alone was filled just with watermelon taffy. For the next basket, we walked around the store picking out one of everything and talking about random stuff.

"I take it you've been here quite a few times before," I said, and she nodded in reply. "When was the first time you came here?"

Nudge smiled and told me the story. "It was the day after I moved out of Dr. M's house. I was feeling melancholy and frazzled, so I decided to go out and fly. Something just told me that I had to come to California, so I flew until I felt like stopping, and ended up here. Every few months I'll fly up, rent a room for the night, and binge on old-fashioned candy. You're the first person I've ever brought here."

"Aww, I feel special," I said, being my smart ass self.

"Don't let it get to your head," She reprimanded with a smiled. "You're a cocky bastard. Be careful or someone might shoot you."

"Not a bastard," I corrected bitterly. "Just a disappointment to my parents."

Nudge's grin disappeared. "Shut up. You're not a disappointment. It's your parents that are disappointments. Gazzy, you need to realize that it's not your fault that we ended up like this. None of us had a choice. It was your parent's choice for being stupid crack heads, for being idiotic enough to sell two amazing people to a crazy company just so they could pay for their drugs," A tear rolled down her cheek, and at that moment, I hated my parents and the scientists even more than I ever had before. I felt like punching each and every one of them, murdering them for making Nudge, my Nudge, cry. "You don't need them, Gazzy. In fact, if it weren't for their stupid decision, we probably wouldn't even know each other, so there's one way this was positive."

I shook my head in response. "I have a feeling that I would've found you anyways. There's no one quite like you, Nudge. I honestly think that the flock would've found each other even if our lives were normal. All of us, we're special, kindred spirits really. We couldn't be ourselves without each other."

Nudge nodded in agreement. "We were meant to be together." As much as I agreed with what she said, I couldn't help but wish she had meant them in a different way.

**Author's Note:**

Yay! I finally got it up! Okay, I have to admit that I did not come up with "Life is just one big conspiracy theory." Zack did. But he DID give me permission to use it. Anyways, next chapter will probably have some sibling fluff between Gazzy and Angel because I love their bickering. Maybe even something from Nudge's POV but I'm not sure about that.. Give me your opinion in a review if you'd like. I'm not going to beg you for a review, but it would be nice. (Hint hint.) Since PE is over and Classy has left me for almost a month I might actually have time to write... Thanks for reading! :)


	4. Fall For You

"Honey, I'm home!" I yelled cheerfully as I walked through the door of my beautiful home in stereotypical suburbia. Placing my hat on the hat rack, I looked down at my dapper suit and noticed that everything was in black and white. Not that that really mattered to me.

"Daddy!" My three darling little girls ran up to hug me. All of them were carbon copies of a younger Iggy in Tiffany form.

"Daddy," The youngest one, who looked about three, said to me. "Iggy Jr. was being mean to me!"

"No I wasn't!" The eldest protested. "It was Tiffany! Besides, Baconette deserved it anyways!"

"Well, girls," I said, somehow unfazed by the fact that my daughters were named Iggy Jr., Tiffany, and Baconette. "You know that your mother hates it when you fight. If I hear about bad behavior again, we'll take away your visits with Uncle Iggy."

"But we love Uncle Iggy!" Tiffany pouted. "Don't take him away from us! Uncle Iggy is my bestest friend ever!"

"Don't worry kids!" Iggy yelled, running into the room. "Uncle Iggy is here to save you!" At that, my children cheered and followed Iggy out the door.

"Don't forget to use protection!" Baconette, the three year old, yelled before she left.

"Gazzy?" Nudge asked, walking down the hall in stereotypical 1950's housewife apparel. "Wake up!" Surprisingly, those were the first words that I had found strange, and I had a child named Iggy Jr. "YOU NEED TO FREAKING WAKE UP BEFORE I TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL!"

Suddenly, the world was in color again. I looked down at myself and I was wearing normal clothes and everything was in color. Nudge was standing over me, looking concerned. My head really hurt.

"You're alive!" She exclaimed in a relieved tone. "Oh my gosh, are you okay? We were walking out of the candy store talking and out of nowhere some little kid threw a baseball at your head and you fell over. You've been unconscious for around 15 minutes! Holy crap you scared me!"

All I could manage was a grumble in reply. At that moment, life sucked. I had been hit in the head with a baseball in front of Nudge, we did not have three children with extremely strange names, she was still dating Fre-dick, and my head was throbbing. I would get over it though. For Nudge, I had to suck it up. "I'm fine," I lied. "So, what do you want to do?"

"Well," Nudge said. "First we need to get you some ice for your head. I could've gotten it when you were unconscious, but I didn't really want to leave you alone."

"Thanks," I said, unable to keep from smiling. "Then you need to take me to your favorite beach."

"Of course," Nudge replied with a wink and turned to walk back into the pink building. "I'll be back in a second with the ice. Don't even think about moving or I will murder you." Needless to say, I didn't move.

* * *

><p>Looking out over a cliff at sunset, I realized a few things. One: If Fre-dick ever hurt Nudge, his name would have to be Fre because he would be missing a dick. (Hah! I'm creative!) Two: Nudge looks even prettier when she's wearing my hoodie and her hair is disheveled. Three: The name Iggy Jr. is not unisex. Basically, those three things summed up the complexity of my situation. Looking out over a cliff at sunset with the girl of your dreams would be romantic for some people. But when the girl of your dreams sees you as a little brother and is going out with an idiot, it is sheer torture. I have ranted about this several times before, I know, but I feel it is necessary for me to rant about Nudge's boyfriend so I don't jump her. Hey, I can't help it. I'm horny.<p>

"Gazzy?" Nudge said tentatively, interrupting my train of thought. "What do you think about Fredrick?" Crap. How was I supposed to answer that question? "Do you think we're a good couple?"

"Fredrick is… interesting," I said in a (hopefully) positive-sounding tone. "Sometimes, though, I feel like he's too absorbed in his own problems to care about anyone else's. He's a nice guy and all, but I'm not just sure he'd be able to handle the wings. I mean, if he is really 'the one,' you would know. Every time you looked at him, you would smile, every idea he had would be the best in the world, and you'd rather die than see him get hurt."

Nudge thought about my answer for a moment, but didn't say anything in reply. She then shivered, grabbed a blanket that was next to her, and wrapped it around our shoulders. Yep, she was definitely the one.

* * *

><p>As soon as I got home from Bodega Bay, I showered, changed into a blue button down, and set the table. Iggy and I were hosting the flock dinner tonight, which was bound to be interesting.<p>

I didn't even have time to say hi to Iggy, all I knew was that he had the food ready; bacon wrapped meat, lots of potatoes, the works. I was too busy cleaning everything that Iggy couldn't, which mainly consisted of vacuuming. He always manages to get caught in the cords somehow…

My timing was perfect; right as I put the vacuum in the closet, Angel and Dr. M waltzed through the door.

Dr. M hugged me tightly as though the few days I hadn't seen me for were an eternity. "Oh, Gazzy!" She exclaimed. "Don't scare us like that ever again! Max and I were afraid you and Nudge had been killed."

"No, we're alive," I said, struggling to escape her embrace. Luckily, Ella arrived and Dr. M left to go smother her instead. That woman sometimes…

"Uh, hi, Mom," Ella said, squirming out of her mother's clutches. "Iggy! How are you?" She practically jumped on her startled boyfriend to avoid being suffocated.

"Much better now," Iggy said with a grin. Cue the "awwwws."

"Eww, Iggy!" Angel shrieked. "I did NOT want that picture in my head!"

"What?" Iggy asked, confused. "I was thinking about… Oh." After he saw the look on Dr. M's face he added. "Dinner! I was thinking about dinner!"

"More like dessert," I mumbled, loud enough for only Iggy and Angel to hear. Before Iggy could yell at me, Max, Fang, and Nudge came inside.

"Max!" Dr. M exclaimed, embracing her daughter. As Max and her mother spoke, everyone seemed to gravitate to the table. When you have to eat over 6,000 calories a day, you tend to do that.

Just as we had all fixed our plates, Angel spoke. "So, Gazzy, Nudge, how was your little escape?" She said with a demonic grin.

* * *

><p><strong>Nudge POV<strong>

"What did you guys do while you were gone? Talk about anything… secret? You know, relationship problems, etc." Angel looked pointedly at me. The little brat must've been reading my mind while I was thinking about my conversation with Gazzy!

Honestly, what I didn't understand was how Gazzy knew that much about relationships. He was nineteen, never had a serious relationship (that I know of), and was 2% bird for crying out loud! What he said… "Every time you looked at him, you would smile, every idea he had would be the best in the world, and you'd rather die than see him get hurt." If what Gazzy said was right, Fredrick was most definitely not the one. Actually, I've known that for quite some time. Fredrick's sweet, but not mature enough to handle the truth. However, I wasn't going to break up with him right away because my life was perfect, and it was not worth the stress.

"Our trip was wonderful, Angel," Gazzy calmly said. "No, we did not talk about relationship problems or lack thereof. Please understand that not everything we do is your business and meant to be discussed. You might overhear what we all think, but it's not yours to share. I'm sorry it I've offended you, but it's the truth. Hate to break it to you, Ange." Needless to say, Angel looked pissed. Her bright blue eyes met Gazzy's matching ones, and you could tell they were arguing mentally. Every one of the flock members agreed with Gazzy, but none of us had the courage to say it out loud before.

Finally, Angel slammed her cup on the table and stormed out the door. In response, Gazzy rolled his eyes and yelled, "Be that way!" Then he proceeded to run his left hand through his hair like he always does when a situation is frustrating. Most people can't pull off the hair-sticking-out-in-random-places look, but it was actually kind of cute on him. Not that I was attracted to Gazzy AT ALL. I mean, I had a boyfriend. There was no way I could be attracted to Gazzy… right?

When Gazzy excused himself and got up to go to the bathroom, his arm brushed against me, sending shivers down my spine. Instantly, I got this weird feeling in my stomach that I'd never experienced before. I'm not sure how to explain it; it felt calming yet butterfly inducing, and also confusing and disturbing all at the same time. Who knows what caused it; for all I know, Iggy could have put something weird in my food.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Gazzy returned and Max coughed before speaking. "So, uh, what are your plans for the week guys?"

I honestly cannot remember how I answered, let alone anyone else because all I could focus on was that weird feeling in my stomach. It kept coming and going, and all I knew for sure was that it was giving me a headache and upsetting my stomach.

"Iggy," I finally asked. "Did you put something weird in the food tonight?" All the flock members gave me a weird look.

"No, why?" He replied, looking slightly offended.

"Oh, no reason," I said, putting on a fake smile. "So, I hear the Forty-Niners won last night."

"Nudge, honey, are you feeling okay?" Max asked, looking at me like I was crazy.

"No," I confessed. "I've got a splitting headache and I can't focus. I think I'm going to head home soon."

"Did you drive or fly?" Gazzy asked, looking genuinely concerned.

"I flew," I said, rubbing my temples to try and ease the aching pain. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."

"You will not fly home with a headache," He said, and I didn't even try to argue. "I'll drive you home so that I can be sure you're safe."

I agreed, said goodnight to everyone, and followed Gazzy out to his red 1968 Chevy pickup truck that was his pride and joy. We sat in comfortable silence most of the way there, listening to the mix CD we'd made a few years ago. When Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade came on, we both smiled and began to sing a little bit. Wait a minute… Gazzy NEVER sang. That's just one of the basic facts of life. I would never stop talking, Gazzy would never sing. I automatically stopped singing for a moment, just so I could listen to his voice.

**This is not what I intended **

**I always swore to you I'd never fall apart**

**You always thought that I was stronger**

**I may have failed but I have loved you from the start**

Why hadn't I ever heard Gazzy sing before? His voice was… well, there's no way to describe it other than beautiful. When the song ended, Gazzy blushed and tried not to make eye contact.

"You didn't tell me you could sing," I said, and he just shrugged in response. Only Fang could shrug as an answer and get away with it. "Why haven't I heard you sing before?"

After a few moments, he finally answered my question. "I'm no good at it, so why torture people with it?" Gazzy replied with another shrug. Stupid shrugs.

"Shut up," I said, and I would have slapped him if he weren't driving. "Your voice is… amazing. What makes you think you're not good?"

Another shrug. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate it when people other than Fang shrug? "I don't know, I just don't think I'm good."

"Are their any other hidden talents you'd like to tell me about?" I asked, suspicious.

"I can play hot cross buns on the recorder," He offered with a smile as we pulled into my apartment complex. "Do you want me to walk you inside?"

"No, I think I can handle it myself," I said, getting that weird feeling again. "But thanks for offering. Make sure to tell everyone I love them, okay?"

"As you wish," Gazzy replied with a smirk.

"Goodnight, Gazzy."

"Goodnight, Nudge," He said as I walked away from the car. For some odd reason, I felt the urge to read The Princess Bride. Huh, strange.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

Woohoo! I finally updated!

Sorry it took so long, by the way. I've been gone a LOT. Luckily though, my vacations brought me ideas!

Now, I have to give my dear Classy credit for coming up with the nickname Fredick. Also, the baseball part was inspired by my dear friend Elfy. He was walking along and he randomly got hit in the head with a baseball. Twas funny, my friends. Unfortunately though, he got a really bad concussion and passed out in a pool. That was not so funny... Except when his mom ripped off his mole... Hehe.

Anyways... Thank you for reading and putting up with my lateness! I'm starting school soon, so I'll either not be able to update much due to the fact I'll be swimming in homework, or I'll update faster because I'll need something to do while I'm procrastinating. Sadly, it's probably the first one. Meh.

Oh, and one last thought. I kind of liked the Nudge POV thing... However, I'm not going to write in it very often, maybe once every few chapters. Give me your ideas, kay?

Much love, my friends!

-GingerQueen :P


	5. Anger Management

**Author's Note:**

Okay, so I did not name this chapter... The wonderful ClassyIsMyMiddleName did! So if you hate the name, don't hate me. Hate her.

_Noooooo, don't hate me! Hate Ginger for not posting this earlier, the slow poke! :P_

Shut up, you non-Ginger! Love you dahhling :)

Oh, by the way... the italic part in the chapter is a flashback if you couldn't figure that out!

* * *

><p>"And that, class, is why you never feed your ex's illegal pet zebra eggplants," My professor said, concluding her lecture. "Remember, there's a test next Tuesday, now get out of here! Except for you, Zephyr. I want to talk to you for a moment."<p>

"Yes, ma'am?" I questioned, walking over to where she was standing.

"Is everything…okay with you lately?" She asked, her face looking genuinely concerned.

"Yes, I'm fine. Why do you ask?" See, I can act all mature.

"Well, you're usually my most attentive student, but recently you've been out of it. I just want to make sure everything is emotionally okay with you. I mean, you're my favorite student, not that anyone else needs to know that," She said with a wink. What can I say? Iggy's banana bread has magical powers.

"I'm fine," I said with a plastered on smile. "I've just been a little tired lately. Thank you for asking though, it means a lot."

"Mmhmm," She said, not believing my story. "If anything is bothering you, don't be afraid to tell someone, okay? Now get out of my classroom."

"Yes, ma'am," I said, scurrying out of the room.

I waved as I walked out the door, and then turned on my iPod. As I took my first steps into my favorite coffee shop, I heard an annoying voice scream "Zephyr!" Turning around, I saw the biggest slut of all time and sadly recognized her. Of course, she then came running up to me and I couldn't just avoid her.

"Ohmahgawd!" She screeched as though it was one word. "Zephyr! Is that you?"

"Uh, hi, Angela," I said uncomfortably. "What have you been up to lately? I haven't seen you around in a few years."

"Oh, you know, the usual," Prostitution? She pushed me into a chair and sat down next to me. Now there was no chance of escaping her… Stupid Angela. "I starred in a few low-budget films, actually," The slut added.

"Porn?" I accidentally asked out loud. Shit. Now she was going to think I was a jerk. Actually, that's really not necessarily a bad thing…

"Yeah, actually!" She replied ecstatically. Just my luck. The annoying slut actually did become a porn star and wasn't ashamed of it. There goes my chance of escaping her the easy way. She grabbed my hand and continued. "I learned a lot about myself from all those mistakes I made. The biggest mistake was definitely letting you go. I loved you, Zephyr. I miss you!"

"Well, it sure didn't seem that way," I said, slightly pissed off.

"What do you mean?" She cried. "I was devastated when you left me! I loved you more than anything, babe!"

"First of all, I am not your babe. Second of all, we dated for a week, and lastly, you tried to make out with my brother," I pointed out.

"He couldn't resist my good looks!" She yelled, getting strange looks from everyone in the coffee shop.

"HE'S FRICKING BLIND!" I yelled, slamming my fist on the table. "Now, goodbye, Angela."

With that said, I got up and stormed off, ignoring Angela's irritating cries of "but, Zephyr!" I walked straight to my truck, still pissed about who-knows-what. That girl just gets on my nerves for no reason. People tend to do that to me. Angel says that if I try to be nicer that wouldn't happen, but I don't fricking care. All I wanted to do was go home, blow something up, and then kick a wall. Yeah, that sounded good.

Unfortunately, my wall kicking time would have to wait, for when I entered the apartment, Nudge's jacket was lying on the couch. She must've left it here when I took her home early from the flock dinner the other night. I figured that I would just run over to her apartment, give her the jacket, and all would be well. How wrong could that be?

Apparently very. I flew over and knocked on the door. No answer. However, her door was open, so I walked inside to see Nudge and Fre-dick passionately making out on the couch. Why me? I attempted to set the jacket on the counter and escape unnoticed, but that didn't work. Of course.

Mid spit-swap, Nudge realized I was in her house, pulled away from Fredrick, and screamed. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"Bringing you your jacket," I said, shuffling my feet awkwardly. Then I experienced an epiphany. "You left it at my apartment last night." Operation: Mess with Fredrick was a go.

"I don't remember leaving a jacket," She replied, sounding confused.

"Why were you at his apartment last night?" Fredrick asked, his tone harsh. "You told me you were sick."

"Oh, really!" I exclaimed in glee. "Monique and I had a wonderful time together last night, didn't we?"

"What?" Fredrick's eyes widened. "I can't believe this… How could you do this to me?"

I smirked and continued. "It's really a same you had to leave early Monique. We could've done so much more! Although, we did have a lot of fun together this weekend!"

That sent dear Freddie over the edge. "What the hell were you doing over the weekend, Monique?"

I didn't even give Nudge a chance to answer. "We took a little escape," I added a wink, just for effect. Hehehe.

"BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE TOO BUSY TO COME VISIT MY DYING GRANDMOTHER!" Wow, I had no idea Fredrick could get so pissed. I found it hilarious. Now for my final attack before I left…

"Hey, nice necklace, Monique," I said, grinning. "Got to go, bye!"

Two things I knew for sure: One; Nudge was going to hate me for a while, and two; the look on Fredrick's face was totally worth it.

Inside my apartment, something was different. No, not subtly different like "Wow! New curtains," but "Holy crap, there's a Dance Dance Revolution Machine in my kitchen." Not just a mat like the ones you buy at Wal-Mart, the actual machine like they have at arcades. The music was blaring, and Iggy stood next to it dancing like a maniac. Ella stood across the room, videotaping the entire scene and trying not to laugh.

"Iggy!" I yelled. "What is in the kitchen?"

He stopped dancing for a minute. "You like? Steve dropped it off while you were at Nudge's and Ella helped teach me what to do and got me on the machine! Isn't she the sweetest?" Poor blind Iggy… Even his girlfriend takes advantage of him sometimes.

"Yeah, it looks like she taught you a lot," I said, trying not to sound too sarcastic. Ella blushed and continued attempting to not giggle. "Iggy, why did you buy a Dance Dance Revolution machine?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I wanted one, so I bought it. It's better than that time I tried to drive the car though."

I thought back to that terrifying day…

_We were in London with Steve picking up a shipment of Francium. The police were chasing after us, so Iggy and I hotwired the first car we saw and hopped in. Unfortunately, both of us had forgotten that we were in Europe, and Iggy sat in the driver's seat._

"_Iggy!" I frantically yelled. "Switch seats with me, quickly! In London they drive on the other side of the road!"_

"_There's no time!" He protested. "I'm going to drive!"_

"_But you can't see where you're going? How will you steer?"_

"_I don't need to steer! It's not important! I'll let fate take me where it wants to go!" He yelled._

"_But-"_

"_No! The car can decide where it wants to go!" He yelled and pressed on the gas, sending us forward. I screamed as Iggy attempted to steer, still yelling, "Fate will decide! Do not worry, young guppy!" Apparently, fate did take us where it wanted to go because we lost the police and ran into some abandoned warehouse where we were able to take off._

I shuddered as the flashback finished in my mind. "Never do that again," I said. "If you do, I will kill you."

"I'm not even going to ask…" Ella said, looking slightly afraid. Poor girl had to deal with Iggy's antics more than the rest of us.

"Don't. You really do not want to know," Iggy said, a grin creeping on to his face.

As Iggy spoke, there were three sharp knocks at the door, so I went to open it. Who do I see? Fredrick. As if my day weren't dreadful enough already.

"Uh, hi Fredrick. What are you doing here?" I asked, trying not to sound too rude.

"Monique told me that if I couldn't accept your friendship and make an effort to get to know you, she would dump me," He awkwardly replied.

"Yo, Fredrick!" Iggy exclaimed. "How are you doing, buddy? Are you sure Monique didn't send you here because I needed to rip off your reproductive organs?"

Fredrick gulped. "I don't think so, Jeff, sir." Did he seriously just refer to Iggy as "sir?" I guess he needed more help than I thought…

"No, my dear Fredrick," Iggy scolded. "You shall refer to me as Sir Jeffery, my love, my lord, my life. Got it?"

"Yes, Sir Jeffery, my love, my lord, my life," Fredrick replied, sounding even more traumatized than before.

"Better," _Sir Jeffery_ replied, grinning evilly. "Now, Ella, let's go get some coffee and leave these two alone for awhile. I know Monique didn't send Fredrick here to talk to me. I'm not a threat to him."

"A threat?" I questioned, knowing perfectly well what Iggy meant. He didn't respond, but instead headed for the door, running into a table on his way. Ella snickered, said goodbye to us, and followed Iggy.

After Iggy left, Fredrick spoke. "Now, Zephyr, I have a few questions for you. You know, so I can get to know you better."

"Okay," I said. This seemed normal enough. Nudge told him he had to get to know me so he asked me questions.

"Are you interested in Monique? Has she ever cheated on me? Has she ever cheated on me with YOU? Are you two friends with benefits?"

"Uh, no?" I replied, confused by Fredrick's questions. What the hell was wrong with this guy?

Fredrick sighed in relief and continued. "Have you and Monique ever dated? Are you gay? Are you interested in ME?"

"God, no!" Please forgive me for repeating myself: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY?

"Okay then," He replied, totally unfazed. "Are you Monique's best friend? Have you met all of Monique's previous boyfriends? Do you know what she likes in guys?"

"Yes," I replied. Honestly, I could write a book about what Nudge wants in a guy. In fact, I think I will. I'll call it _How to Get a Date With Nudge… Unless You're Gazzy._ Or perhaps I should write my life story: _Stupid Things Love Makes a Birdkid Do._ Actually, I like that idea. I think I'll get started on that later.

"Okay then," He said, looking slightly less paranoid. "I'm going to need your help with something."

"Why do you need my help?" This guy was getting weirder by the second… His eyes saw into my soul… Okay, maybe not.

"I want to know everything," He paused dramatically. "Everything about romancing Monique."


	6. Bad Sushi

**Author's Note:** Sorry it took so long... The only free time I've had is the day I was sick last week and well, I don't think you want to read my writing from when I'm high off cough drops... Trust me... It's scary. Oh and Classy, I won't laugh at you. Just tell me the name of the movie with the hot British guy and no one gets hurt.

* * *

><p>Later that night, I thought over Fredrick's request. He wanted <em>me<em> to teach him how to keep Nudge. Why would he need my help? It's not like I've ever succeeded in romancing her! Before I could ponder my predicament further, Iggy came in, sat down on the couch, and sighed.

"Are you okay?" I asked, extremely concerned. Last time I heard Iggy sigh was… Well, the last time Iggy sighed was when we ran out of bacon. That was a sad, sad day.

"No," He replied, burying his head in a pillow. Iggy began ranting into the pillow, but I couldn't exactly understand him, so I threw the TV remote at him. Jerking his head up, Iggy yelled. "What the hell was that for?"

I shrugged. "It seemed like it would be fun." Iggy just groaned in response and went back to mumbling into his pillow. "Okay, what's up?" I demanded, getting out of my chair and trying to pull the pillow away from his face.

"MY PILLOW!" Iggy screamed, fighting me for the pillow. "Don't take my best friend from me!"

"What did Ella do to you?" I asked, dropping the pillow and walking to go find the phone so I could call and ask what was wrong with him.

"Hey, Gazzy," Ella answered the phone sounding completely normal. "How are you?"

"Um, what's wrong with Iggy?" I asked, not even bothering to answer her question. "He's bawling into a pillow and when I tried to take it from him he started yelling about how it was his best friend."

"Well, we went out for sushi and I don't think his was very fresh," She explained.

"What do you mean?" I asked, quite confused. "Elaborate. Use details. Speak, woman!"

"When we got the sushi, his was green and after a few minutes he started singing about waffles. It didn't really seem too out of character until he tried to grope the server."

"Well, that is something Iggy would do…" I replied, not shocked by Iggy's actions.

"The server was a middle-aged male."

"That changes things," I replied and heard a crashing sound, then giggles from the kitchen. "Thanks, now I've got to go. Iggy's giggling."

"I'll come down when I get back from work because I've got a feeling you're going to need help with him today," Ella said. "Talk to you later, bye!"

I ran into the living room only to see Iggy dropping dishes on the ground and laughing when they shattered. At that second I knew there was no way I'd be able to handle Iggy like this on my own. Luckily the phone was still in my hand so I could supervise Iggy while I called Nudge. The phone rang a few times, and then went to voicemail, but I knew she had heard it. Nudge always had her phone with her, no matter where she went.

"Hey, Nudge," I said, leaving a voicemail. "I know you're probably still mad at me for what happened earlier, but I need your help. Iggy ate some bad sushi earlier and now he's crying into pillows and dropping dishes on the floor. Also, I know you have your phone on. Quit ignoring me, it drives me insane."

Apparently Nudge did hear my voicemail and the urgency in my tone, because in less than two minutes she was at the door, looking extremely concerned. "Where's Iggy?" She asked, and I pointed to the couch, where he was cuddling with his pillow again.

"NUDGE!" Iggy screamed, throwing his pillow across the room and running to hug Nudge. "I missed you so much! Why did you leave me alone with Gazzy and Mr. Pillow? They were mean to me!"

"It's okay, Iggy," She said, attempting to placate him. "I'm here now. Gazzy won't hurt you."

"Nudge," He said after he calmed down a little bit. "Gazzy and I have something important to tell you, but I'm not sure how you and Fredrick are going to react." Oh shit. He wouldn't tell Nudge I loved her, would he? How powerful was the sushi? If he told her, well, I hope Ella doesn't want kids.

"What is it, Iggy?" Nudge asked, curiously. "You can tell me anything and I promise not to hurt you."

"Well," He started, and I knew there was no turning back. Maybe she'd think he was crazy or something. Yeah, the sushi was talking. I could've said something, but I was unable to think of what to say. "I'm Tiffany."

I watched Nudge's jaw drop and I sighed in relief. At that moment I wanted to sing opera I was so glad Iggy hadn't said anything more than the fact that he was Tiffany. Wait… He just told Nudge he was Tiffany! How was that going to go over with her?

"W-w-what?" She stammered after recovering from her shock. "W-w-what do you mean?"

"Well," Iggy began. "I wanted to meet your boyfriend before any of the other flock members without you knowing, so I made Gazzy pretend he was on a date with a girl named Tiffany." Wow, even under the influence of rancid sushi Iggy was a good liar.

Nudge turned towards me. "So you're not into girls who practice incest?" I shook my head no, and she sighed in relief. "Thank goodness. Incest is bad, really bad. It's creepy, really. Don't you think it's creepy? At first I thought Max and Fang were creepy 'cause they were like 'Oh, we're just like siblings,' and then would go and make out."

As she continued talking, I couldn't help but smile. Honestly, I didn't really care about what she was saying, just that she was talking was good enough for me. Aww, how mushy.

"SHUT UP!" Iggy yelled, now clutching his pillow. "You're scaring Mr. Pillow! He says your voice is annoying! Don't kill me, Mr. Pillow!" Iggy then made a weird moaning sound and passed out on the couch.

"Well, that was weird," I commented and Nudge nodded looking amused and confused. "We're never going to that restaurant."

"Is it true?" Nudge asked, looking embarrassed.

"Duh," I replied, thinking she was still talking about sushi. "Why would we want to eat sushi at a place that made Iggy hallucinate?"

"No, not that, stupid," She replied, smacking the back of my head with her hand. "I mean about my voice. Is it really that annoying?"

"You're going to listen to the hallucinating Iggy? Your voice is not annoying, and you do not talk too much."

"Yeah, right," She mumbled sarcastically as if I couldn't hear her. "Because I'm just that awesome."

"Nudge, do you want to know why I'm always smiling?" I asked. Crap. If I went where I wanted to go with this speech, Nudge will find out. This isn't how I wanted to tell her… In my plan, Fredrick isn't in the picture! Shit… Nudge looked up at me, looking skeptical. "Uh…" I stuttered, finally thinking of an answer. "Because you are just that awesome. You're amaz… awesome, and I love, uh, I love that you're awesome."

"What the…?" Nudge looked at me like I was mentally unstable and there was an awkward silence. For about an hour. Yeah, we just pretended to watch the news and sat in silence. It probably would've been less awkward if I had just told her the truth… Too bad it was too late. "Do you hear that?" She finally spoke.

I listened closely and heard what she was talking about. Iggy's iPod was still on in the corner of the room, softly playing "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go." "Yeah," I said, laughing. "Iggy listens to Wham!"

"Apparently," Nudge replied with a giggle. She walked across the room and turned up the volume so we could hear it better and began singing along. Even though you could tell she was singing as a joke, her voice was amazing. And that's coming from someone who can sound however he wants to. After a few seconds, I joined in and we waltzed around the house singing and dancing and just plain embarrassing ourselves. Of course, Iggy decided to wake up fully recovered from his sushi at this moment.

"What the hell is going on?" Iggy muttered, sounding like he was in pain. "And what's up with the Wham! music? Why do I feel so dizzy? Am I dead? Are you dead? I didn't know they played Wham! in hell… Although it really doesn't surprise me." Nudge started cracking up, confusing Iggy further. She tried to explain, but well, couldn't exactly get a word in, so I decided to tell him what happened.

"Oh, Iggy," I started dramatically. "Apparently, you ate some really bad sushi when you were out with Ella tonight, and instead of giving you food poisoning, it made you hallucinate. You also told Nudge that you were Tiffany because you wanted to meet her boyfriend before anyone else."

"Don't tell Fredrick!" Iggy begged. "If he finds out, I'll have no way to threaten him! Please, Nudge! Don't tell Fredrick!"

"Well," Nudge began with an evil grin Iggy would've screamed at if he could see. "I would be nice… But Mr. Pillow was mean to me so instead I'm going to tell people that you have Wham! on your iPod."

"No!" Iggy protested. "Please, anything but that! You know I was hallucinating and didn't mean whatever I said! Anything but telling people about my… problem."

"Nah, I think I'm going to tell people. What will they think when Iggy-the-macho's favorite song is Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go?" After saying this, Nudge began humming and dancing around the room.

"Please! I'll do anything! I mean literally anything! All you have to do is swear that you won't tell anyone about Tiffany or Wham!" Iggy fell to his knees, pleading to Nudge.

"Okay, I have an idea," She said after a few minutes. "I won't tell anyone on one condition: You have to make me banana pancakes whenever I want for the rest of my life."

Iggy's face was a mix of emotions. On one hand, he didn't want anyone to know about his… quirks, but on the other, he abhorred banana pancakes. "Uh, um," He attempted to talk but was unable to form a coherent sentence. "I-I-I accept." Nudge laughed evilly, causing Iggy to gulp. "What did I get myself into?" He muttered.

* * *

><p>A few days later, I remembered my promise to Fredrick. Grabbing the phone, I dialed his number and prayed he wasn't with Nudge.<p>

"Hello, Sensei," He said, and I could just imagine him bowing while wearing one of those funny white robe things. "You wish to speak to me, am I correct?"

"Uh, yeah," I replied, quite confused by why he was speaking so proper. It was kind of freaky. "So you want help trying to romance Monique?"

"Yes, Sensei, that is correct," Fredrick said, scaring me further.

"Please do not call me Sensei," I finally said, trying to save myself from insanity. Yeah, like there was any chance of me being normal. "And why are you talking formally? It's sort of weird."

"I am trying to be courteous and respectful to my wonderful teacher and leader. It would trouble me so to not refer to you as Sensei," He replied. Was there anything normal about him? I was starting to seriously doubt it.

"Okay then… young guppy," I said back, trying to sound teacher-like but failing miserably. "This is how out lessons shall work. I will call you a few times a week and give you ideas of things to win her heart or things that she hates, and it's up to you to decide what you're going to do with my information. Is that okay?"

"Yes, Sensei," He replied, and I imagined him bowing again. Actually, Fredrick bowing to me was not necessarily a terrible thing. "I am internally grateful to you."

"Do you mean eternally?" I asked, trying to teach him something that would actually be useful.

"Yes, Sensei," He replied in a duh-tone. "That's what I said. Isn't it internally grateful? Oh well, all I know is that I like soup."

I sighed and wondered what Nudge saw in him. "Yeah, sure whatever. So, lesson number one is that she hates daisies. Talk to you later bye." As soon as I said that, I hung up and kicked the closest wall.

**Author's Note Numero Dos: **

I hereby SWEAR to update in the next week. Trust me on that. I've already got the next chapter started. There shall be amazingness. So, have no fear because there shall be amazingness. And yes, I know I said that there shall be amazingness twice. Well, three times.


	7. In the History of Bacon

**Author's Note:** So this chapter's a special one... Want to know why? Because it's dedicated to the beautiful, magnificent, wonderful, fantastic, hilarious, skaaaaanky, and genius ClassyIsMyMiddleName! You ask me my reasons, young guppies?

**BECAUSE IT'S HER BIRTHDAY!**

That's right, readers. My Classy is growing up. I think I'm going to cry.. By no means is this chapter anywhere near as beautiful as what she wrote for my birthday, mainly due to the fact that she is the best person ever. I even have a shrine for her. Yep, it's in my drawer.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that you need to read her stories, because she is just freaking amazing. My favorite: Scarlet Meeting Scarlet.

Then again.. I'm a little bit biased because "BP" is me. Not some company who created an oil spill in the gulf. Why would she wish them a happy birthday?

* * *

><p><strong>Gazzy POV<strong>

Iggy. He's literally the hardest person in the world to buy a present for. I'm not exaggerating either. What do you buy for someone who's blind, owns every explosive material known to man, and is bound to find something perverted in everything? Usually Angel coordinates it for us, but she is refusing to speak to anyone (PMS) and would rather hang out with her "people" than our dysfunctional family. Who wouldn't want to hang out with a group of bacon-obsessed, bomb building mutants? Apparently Angel.

Anyways, back to the problem at hand. I had no idea of what to buy Iggy, and I needed help. Now whom did I know that enjoyed shopping? Nudge was the only person who could help. Well, actually Ella probably could, but this gave me an excuse to be around Nudge more. Heh heh. Right as I grabbed my phone, someone called me.

"Hello?" I answered, not even bothering to check caller ID.

"Hey, Gaz," A familiar voice said. "It's Nudge."

"Hi, Nudge!" I said, hoping my excitement wasn't too obvious. "I was just about to call you. What's up?"

"I was wondering if you had any idea as to what to get Iggy. Angel's PMS-ing and refuses to talk to me, and Ella's busy. What did you get him?" She asked, sounding frantic.

"I haven't gotten him anything yet," I admitted and I heard her sigh. "He is the hardest person to buy gifts for in the history of bacon."

"In the history of bacon?" Nudge asked, sounding slightly impressed by the fact that I had just put bacon in a totally unrelated sentence.

"Yes, Nudge," I replied as if it was completely normal. "In the history of bacon. That is how serious this situation is."

"Wait…" Nudge replied in her I-just-got-the-best-idea-ever tone. "I just got the best idea ever!"

"In the history of bacon?" I asked with a grin.

"Yes, Gazzy, in the history of bacon," She replied, and I knew she was smiling too. "I'll be over in a few minutes."

I probably looked like an idiot because of how much I was grinning as I hung up the phone. That girl just gets me, and sometimes I don't understand why. No matter what Nudge says, I just feel warm and fuzzy inside. Well, not exactly fuzzy because feeling fuzzy inside would probably lead to some terminal illness, but that's not the point. Then again, love itself is a terminal illness. There is no possible way you can get over it. Once you've fallen in love, there's no turning back. It's not like you pick the person you fall in love with, you just do. Would I have picked Nudge? Actually, I can't honestly answer that because I can't imagine not loving her, even if she doesn't feel the same way.

Damn. That was deep.

"I'm here!" Nudge yelled, running in the house and instantly opening the fridge. "Do you have any bacon?"

"Uh… Yes?" I replied, sort of confused. "Are you hungry? I can make you a sandwich or something."

"No, I need it for Iggy," She replied, frantically searching for more bacon. "You don't have enough!" She cried, grabbing her hair and looking as if she was about to have a mental breakdown.

"What do you mean there's not enough?" I questioned, further confused. "There's a five pound block of bacon right in front of you!"

"It's not enough!" She yelled, throwing a bottle of chocolate sauce at me. Ah, Nudge and her anger management issues… "We need at least eight pounds for this to work!"

"What the hell are we going to do with eight pounds of bacon?" I shouted back, and she threw the mustard bottle at me.

"We're going to cook it!" Nudge jubilantly exclaimed. "In every single way possible."

"What?" I roared. "Can't we just get him a gift card to somewhere and call it good? Please?"

"No," Nudge replied, face serious. "You will help me cook bacon or I will castrate you. Got it?"

"Got it," I said, honestly scared by her. "What do you want me to do first?"

"I need you to go buy me as much bacon as you can find. As long as it isn't that turkey bacon crap. Turkey bacon is a lie and should go die in a pit."

"Yes, ma'am," I said in a perfect Southern accent while pretending to tip my hat. "I'll go buy ya'll the best bacon I can find in this here city. Why don't you sit still and look pretty?"

"Because if I sat around, nothing would get done," She replied, holding a knife threateningly. "If you don't come back with at least three pounds of bacon, I'll throw this at you too." With that said, I ran out the door to go find three pounds of bacon.

I was back in about ten minutes carrying five pounds of bacon, just to be on her good side. "I'm back!"

"What took you so long?" Nudge said, hand on hip and foot tapping. "You left nearly an hour ago."

"No, I left ten minutes ago," I corrected, hoping she didn't decide to practice her knife throwing skills.

"Oh, okay!" She replied casually. "Let's get to work!"

Three bacon-filled hours later, everything was cooked. Every inch of counter space in the entire apartment was covered with cholesterol-killing perfection. The only reason Iggy wouldn't like our gift was if he suddenly decided to become a vegetarian or something, which would never happen. Iggy as a vegetarian? Don't make me laugh.

"Should we take this over to Dr. M's for the surprise party?" I asked, and she nodded in reply. We had been planning this party for almost a month. All of our "co-workers" (black market bomb-making dealers) would be there, along with all of Ella's friends and a few of Dr. M's neighbors who we've become close with over the years. Luckily though, Fredrick was busy and could not come. He was going to go visit his Aunt Petunia or something. Not that I really cared.

We brought all of our beautiful bacon to my truck, the second love of my life, and drove over to Dr. M's house. Only the flock (minus Iggy) and Dr. M were there, and everyone was frantically running around and setting up. Ella was with Iggy, doing whatever they do. "Where's the food?" Dr. M yelled. "The caterer was supposed to be here an hour ago! What are we going to do with no food?"

"We have food," Nudge said. "A whole lot of food. There's nothing vegetarian, but then again, would Iggy want there to be anything vegetarian?" The flock shrugged and shook their heads no. "But this food was supposed to be just for Iggy, so Angel, you need to help Gazzy and I get Iggy the perfect gift."

"Already did," Demon Child replied, rolling her eyes. "I figured neither of you would know what to get him, so Gazzy's giving him a customized lighter in his favorite color and Nudge is giving him a new spatula specifically made for flipping pancakes perfectly. Oh, and you both got him a pound of bacon." We both thanked Angel and began putting bacon-covered food all over the living room. Poor Mrs. Knight the vegetarian… Poor Mrs. Knight…

Finally people started arriving and it was nearly time to surprise Iggy. Everyone was completely silent, which was rare for this group of people. Iggy waltzed through the door, and just as we were about to yell, he yelled instead.

**Nudge POV:**

"Surprise!" Iggy yelled. What the hell just happened? Did Iggy just surprise us… at his surprise party? I looked towards Gazzy and he seemed just as shocked. Ella must have told him. But wait… She looked confused too. Iggy laughed loudly and spoke again. "I shall not tell you how I know, but let's eat BACON!"

After a brief moment of shock-induced awkwardness, Iggy got his wish. Everywhere you looked there was bacon. Every table and counter was overflowing with bacon and cake. We even managed to hang a bowl of bacon from the ceiling. I mingled with everyone, ate some bacon, had a good time, but my mind was a jumble of thoughts. And what was the most confusing thing on my mind? Gazzy.

I honestly don't know how I feel about him. He's sweet, but he's also like a brother to me. And I definitely feel differently when I'm around him than when I'm around Iggy, or Fang, or well, Fredrick. Something about Gazzy is just… different, but in a good way. No matter how terrible my day was, one word from Gazzy and I'm smiling again. It's almost like he has some weird power over me, the power to turn my day around for the better.

Oh crap. Crap, crap crap. It can't be. Nuh-uh. No fricking way. Never ever in a million years. In the history of bacon! Damn it, I can't do this. I'm setting myself up for heartbreak. No no no. I refuse to believe this. My brain says no, but my heart, well, I guess it's really just a separate part of my brain because your heart doesn't control your emotions, says yes. No. I refuse to believe the stupid part of Nudge! It can't be! NOOOOOO!

Of course, the boy decides to approach me while I'm at my most unstable time. I got a sudden urge to check how I looked in the mirror. _Calm down, Nudge. It's just Gazzy. He's like a brother to you._ "Uh, hi!" I squeaked, probably sounding like a chipmunk. "So, fun party, right?" Wow, that probably sounded awkward. Damn him and his ways of making me sound like an idiot.

"Yeah, it is pretty fun," He replied with a smile as if this wasn't the most awkward situation in the world. How could he not tell that I was practically hyperventilating from utter shock? "The food's really a hit. That was the most brilliant idea in the history of bacon."

"Nah, it was nothing," I said with a smile as if I hadn't just recovered from a panic attack. "Thanks for helping though, you're amazing for that." He shrugged and grinned.

"So, I hear the 49'ers won again last night," Gazzy replied. Haven't I used that before? Probably.

"Uh, yeah, it was a pretty good game," I said, extremely glad Fredrick had made me watch it.

Crap. Crap. Crap. I forgot about that little detail. What about Fredrick? I couldn't just dump him. He was really sweet, and I couldn't just break his heart. Besides, how did I know that I wasn't just hallucinating and that this was just a nightmare? A beautiful, wonderful, perfect nightmare, the most amazing nightmare in the history of bacon. Damn, I've been saying that a lot today. Yeah, that's it, this was just a nightmare.

Gazzy and I began chatting, and to be honest, I don't really remember what the heck we were talking about. Luckily Ella came over and saved me, but I still couldn't shake the feelings of guilt, pleasure, and shock.

Only one thing I knew for sure: I was definitely in danger of falling in love with Gazzy, if I hadn't already done so.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note Numero Dos:<strong> So, I hope you were pleased by my gradual increase in Nazzy. Approve? Disapprove? Hate my guts and want me to be sent off to some island with no food or water? Hopefully the first one, but if you hate me, oh well.

Much love and bacon,

FutureGingerQueen, the ginger in charge.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Just a tip to help get you through life: Never, ever throw an angry ginger's flashdrive across the room, then throw goldfish down her shirt. It never ends well... For you.

THis chapter is dedicated to Squigglepotomas!

* * *

><p>"GAZZY!" I heard the Demon Child yell. Stupid Angel… Always waking me up, even after I move out. I thought she promised never to wake me up ever again. Then again, when did she ever keep her end of a promise?<p>

"What?" I groaned, still quite irritated by the fact that a certain mind reader had woken me up from my wonderful nap.

"I need to talk to you, pronto," She said, pausing dramatically. "It's about Nudge!"

"What?" I asked, still not able to form coherent sentences and not sure whether to be worried, excited or irritated about Angel's involvement in my love life.

"She's blocking her mind," Angel began. "At the party, I heard her thinking "crap, no, crap, I don't think so!" and stuff like that. Then she just looked at me and blocked her thoughts. Normally I wouldn't be concerned, but the fact that she looked straight at me and her last thoughts were "crap, no, crap" cause me to think something's wrong."

"What was she thinking about before she blocked you?" At this point, I honestly didn't care that Angel woke me up (well…); I just wanted to know what was wrong with Nudge.

"I don't know," Angel admitted. "The room was really crowded and everyone's thoughts were overwhelming me."

"Do you think we can do anything to figure out what's wrong with Nudge?"

Angel shook her head no. "With her thoughts blocked, I can't try to help her in any way. We just need to keep an eye on her and make sure there's nothing wrong." I nodded in response and she smiled. "It's so adorable how concerned you are about her! You make me want to hug you, but I know you'd probably try to hurt me!" I rolled my eyes and attempted to not think mushy thoughts. Stupid mind reader.

"So, how's life going?" I asked semi-awkwardly. "Are your grades okay? Ready to graduate soon?"

"Gazzy, I can read and control people's minds. How do you think I'm doing in school?" I laughed slightly at her response. "Not that Dr. M needs to know that I use my err, resources during school. It's a blessing and a curse though. I have the most perverted Spanish teacher ever." She added.

"Mr. Kenny?" I guessed. That guy was the sketchiest, most creepy guy alive, pedo-stache and everything.

"Yep," She answered. "His thoughts about the teacher's aide… Oh gosh, I never want to look him in the eye again. What will his poor wife think when she finds out about his secret craving for Samantha's 'soft, wet, most-likely peppermint flavored kiss'? The man is a creep. He stared down a poor freshmen's shirt the other day too."

I shuddered in disgust. Honestly, I think he was one of Angela's first, uh, customers too. Angel giggled, obviously seeing my flashback of that, um, incident. "Anyways," I said, trying to change the subject.

"Don't even try," Angel warned. "I want to hear the words from your mouth. Replay exactly what happened. I want you to say it from her point of view too."

"_Well,_" I said, replicating Angela's nasally tone perfectly. "I was rating hot guys and trying to find someone to sleep with because I got rejected for Playboy, and I saw Zephyr! He was obviously single because he never dated anyone for very long in high school, even though he was totes gorge, and even if he wasn't single, I don't really care. Anyways, I decided to go over and talk to him, and it was obvious he was into me. But then he started being all weird and I don't know what was wrong with him! Then he brought up the fact that I might have made out with his best friend. I didn't know he was blind! I thought he was staring into space because he was totally into me!"

Angel clutched her stomach in pain as she laughed. "God, Gazzy, I love it when you mimic Angela."

Yeah, I guess being able to mimic people's voices wasn't completely useless. It was really helpful sometimes, not just for telling stories, but also for when I'm upset or lying or trying to piss off Fredrick. So basically most of the time. Other people, however, didn't exactly find my abilities quite as entertaining. The rest of the flock usually ends up doubting things that I say because I have the ability to sound honest when I'm lying. I'm pretty sure I could turn them against each other if I wanted to. Mwahahaha.

"Do you want anything to eat?" I asked my younger sister. Right as she nodded, the phone rang, and I instantly knew it was Fredrick.

"Hey, Fredrick, what's up?" I said, altering my voice to make sure I didn't sound completely irritated.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come out to dinner with Monique and me tonight. You could bring a date if you want. We're going to that new steakhouse, Murray's," Fredrick explained. As much as I wanted to turn him down, I had nothing better to do with my time, and I could see Nudge.

"Sure, I'll come. What time should we be there?" I asked, and looked over to see Angel had an evil grin on her face.

"We have reservations for 7:30, is that okay?"

"Yeah, that sounds great. Bye Fredrick, see you then," I said hanging up. This was going to be perfect. I was going to go, bring a super hot date, and make Nudge jealous. All I needed was a date.

**Nudge POV**

I was lying on my bed eating Nutella and listening to depressing music when Fredrick called me. As much as I wanted to just ignore the call, I knew he would just keep trying until I picked up.

"Hello," I mumbled, most likely inaudibly due to the amount of Nutella still in my mouth. "What do you want?"

"Hey, it's Fredrick," He said in his slightly irritating singsong voice. You know there's something messed up when you cannot stand hearing your boyfriend's voice.

"I have caller ID, you know. There's no need to tell me who you are," I growled. Damn it! That was kind of rude. "Um, I mean haha hi, Fredrick!"

"Uh, okay them. What are you doing? I was wondering if you wanted to go out to dinner with me and my grandfather tonight."

Must. Find. Excuse. "As amazing as that sounds, I am actually really busy tonight. I wish I could come though, babe." Yay! Excuse! Now I could just spend time with my Nutella and depressing music and-

"Oh well, I guess I'll have to tell Zephyr and his date that you won't be there." Wait a minute… Date? Since when did Gazzy have a date? Gazzy wasn't allowed to have a date!

New plan: I was going to go, look smoking hot, and get Gazzy to fall in love with me. Maybe I shouldn't go though. I was still technically dating Fredrick and Gazzy had a date. Yeah, I wouldn't go. Gazzy probably had an amazing date, and I don't want to break Fredrick's heart in front of his grandfather. "Where are we eating?" Damn it, Nudge. Have you no morals?

"We're going to that new fancy steakhouse downtown," Fredrick replied, sounding kind of suspicious about my split second decision to go. "You know, the one called Murray's that you wanted to go to."

Ooh yay! Murray's was really fancy, so I could wear that gorgeous new black cocktail dress! Sure, it was a little skanky, but I honestly don't care what Fredrick's grandfather thinks of me if I'm just going to break the boy's heart anyways.

"We're wearing black," I informed Fredrick. "And I'm wearing red shoes with my dress, so try to incorporate it in somewhere. What time are you picking me up?" I wasn't demanding. Just a… leader.

"Seven?" Fredrick's statement came out more as a question. I glanced over at the clock beside my bed. 3:22. There was absolutely no time to waste. If I didn't start getting ready now, I would never look perfect by seven.

"Okay, sounds good," I said. "Bye, Fredrick, see you then!" After I hung up, I automatically dialed Ella's number. Only she could help me in a time like this.

"Hi Nudge!" Ella said picking up the phone. I heard Iggy yell hi in the background. "What's up?"

"Could you come home? It's an emergency," I explained. I heard Iggy groan, but I knew that Ella would come anyways.

"Yeah, sure," She replied. "I'll be over in about ten minutes, is that okay?"

"Okay, but hurry. Code red and we only have 3 and a half hours." I said frantically.

"Only 3 and a half hours? Why didn't you call me earlier? I'm in my car right now, I'll be there as soon as possible!" Ella said in a panic before hanging up.

True to her word, Ella made it back to our apartment in exactly 5 minutes and 43 seconds. Yes, I counted. My dress and shoes were already picked, but getting my hair and makeup done was going to be challenging with what little time I had.

"Ooh! I love your shoes!" Ella exclaimed, picking up one of my red, peep toe heels. "Where did you get these?"

"They're one of a kind," I replied. "I got them off of that one website, you know the one."

"Oh, yeah, I love that one! Thank God we're the same shoe size, because I need to steal these," Ella smiled and we got back on track. "Okay, elaborate on the code red. Where are you going, who are you going with, I need details!"

"Okay, so I'm going to Murray's, that new steakhouse downtown with Fredrick, his grandfather, Gazzy, and Gazzy's date."

"Gazzy has a date?" Ella said, sounding as shocked as I was. "Okay, that sounded a little weird, but since when does Gazzy get a date?"

"I don't know, but I thought maybe you might because of Iggy."

"Well, obviously Iggy doesn't know about it, because if he did know, so would I," Ella grinned mischievously.

"That is true, my dear, that is true," I replied and we started giggling like the freaks we are.

"Now, to make you smoking hot," Ella said, dragging me into our bathroom. I sat down in front of the vanity and she opened a few drawers, grabbing as much makeup as physically possible. "First things first, how do you want your hair? Straight or curly?"

"Curly, definitely curly," I answered, grabbing a strand of hair and twirling it with my fingers.

"Okay, that should be easy. Do you trust me?" I nodded in response to her question. "Good. Now turn away from the mirror. In a few hours, you will look like a goddess."

Sure enough, two and a half hours filled with curling and hairspray and eyeliner passed, and if I do say so myself, I looked hot. "Damn, girl," I said, examining my face. "You're good."

Ella smiled to herself and went to go get my dress. "Told you you'd look like a goddess," She muttered under her breath.

If Gazzy didn't fall for me tonight, I was either going to die an old maid, or worse, married to a freak like Fredrick.

Finally, it was 7:12 and Fredrick and I were in the car on the way to Murray's. Apparently his grandfather was taking the Harley to the restaurant, so it was just us. All hopes of an interesting car ride were instantly lost.

"So, do you know who Zephyr's date is?" I asked almost immediately. Probably not the best way to start our car ride.

"I have no idea," Fredrick admitted. "Do you want to listen to show tunes? I absolutely adore show tunes. By the way, I love what you've done with your hair. Tucked behind one ear? Genius."

Well, that was oddly out of character. I brushed it off and told him that show tunes would be great. At this point I was trying to keep my mind off of Gazzy and remember that I still needed to break up with Fredrick. But if Gazzy was serious with this girl, then… I can't even think about that right now.

"We're here!" Fredrick announced. Wow, had it really already been twenty minutes?

We got out of the car and Fredrick went to tell the hostess that we were here. Gazzy was already waiting outside the door, so I went to talk to him.

"Wow, you look… amazing," He said, looking taken aback and looking almost speechless. "Really, just, amazing."

"And you look dapper as well," I said, and he got a weird smile that made me wonder what was up with him and the word dapper. "So, where's your date?" Yep, I'm just that subtle.

"Oh, Elle is in the bathroom. I can't wait for her to meet you; I have a feeling you're going to like her." I wouldn't be so sure of that.

Elle turned out to be a slightly short, really pretty girl with dark brown hair and big green eyes. The worst part was that she was actually likeable! If the girl were irksome, trying to get Gazzy to fall for me would be a hell of a lot easier. Stupid nice and funny Elle.

Finally Fredrick's grandfather rode up on his Harley with a scantily clad blonde, and we all went inside and sat down. Fredrick's grandfather and the Playboy Bunny instantly began eating each other's faces, so I tried to look away and strike up a conversation with Elle.

"I must say," Elle spoke before I had a chance to. "I absolutely adore your shoes! Where did you get them?"

So she had a good taste in shoes. This was going to make things even harder. "I got them off of one of those custom websites," I replied.

"Oh, I love those! The shoes always look so perfect!" Elle said excitedly, and we started gabbing about our favorite designers and stores. Gazzy and Frederick seemed to be talking about footie pajamas or something strange like that. Old version of Fredrick and Skank were still attacking each other's faces.

A few moments later, I felt weird like someone was behind us, and as I turned around, my suspicions were confirmed. Lurking in the corner behind a plant was none other than Iggy. I honestly almost screamed. What the hell was a blind dude doing hiding behind a plant in a fancy restaurant?

"Gazzy," I whispered so that no one else could hear. "Iggy's hiding behind that plant in the corner of the room."

"What?" It was obvious Gazzy didn't believe me at first, but once he looked, a wave of confusion washed over his face. "Why would Iggy be here?"

"I have no idea. Do you think I should walk past him and see what's up?" Gazzy nodded in response to my question. "If you could excuse me," I said so everyone else could hear me. "I need to go make an important phone call."

No one really seemed to care, and I walked towards the plant where Iggy was concealed. Making sure no one noticed, I pulled him out from behind and dragged him outside the restaurant. "Ow, what was that for?" He asked, and I slapped him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, extremely confused and kind of pissed that he had scared me.

"I heard Gazzy had a date and I wanted to know why I wasn't told about this," Iggy explained. I don't think his actions were quite justified.

"That's great, but you have to leave," I demanded, grabbing my phone so I could call Ella.

"I don't think so, Nudge-dear," Iggy said, his face falling. "Ella is mad at me for requesting a dance, and Angel and Dr. M are busy."

"Why would Ella be mad at you? She always wants to dance with you."

"I just wanted her to dance so I could laugh when she fell and knocked things over," Iggy clarified. Oh, Iggy. How he worries me so.

I sighed. "Iggy, what are we going to do with you?"

"I could come eat dinner with you," He offered, and it was a shame he couldn't see my glare. Probably felt it though.

"Or you could jump off a building with your wings tied together," I muttered, knowing perfectly well that he could hear me. "Fine, I guess since there's nowhere else for you to go, you can come eat dinner with us."

"Yay!" Iggy squealed like a five year old girl who had found her lost Barbie. This was going to be one interesting dinner.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2:** Promised a friend I would give him credit for Iggy's dancing request... So thanks for that, Ryan! I knew listening to you be your strange self would pay off someday!


	9. Guppy

**A/N:** Sorry for not updating in a while… But in my defense I've been really busy trying to pass my science class. Seriously, if you had seen my panic attack in Chinese, you would understand. My dear blonde friend won't let me forget about that. Silly boy should've learned by now not to piss me off when I'm angry.

By the way, first person to spot the AVPM reference replaces Classy as my best friend. (Just kidding, Classy. I luuurve ya.) But seriously, find the AVPM reference first (and tell me…) and I will be quite happy with ya'll.

* * *

><p><strong>Gazzy POV<strong>

"You were right, Zephyr," Elle whispered to me. "Monique is just as amazing as you said. You're going to be one lucky guy."

"Yeah, if this works," I whispered back. "Are you sure you'll be able to seduce Fredrick into dumping her?"

"Of course I will," Elle said, trying to reassure me. "And if that doesn't work, I'll just make out with him and say he was flirting with me. Just work your magic and talk to Monique."

"You would make out with Fredrick for me?" I asked, honestly shocked by what she had said.

"Well, you are writing my paper on francium for me," She said with a grin. "Plus I'm a hopeless romantic."

"You've known Monique for about thirty minutes," I pointed out. She just shrugged. Oh, Elle…

"Yeah, but I've been listening to you talk about her all night. You are obviously madly in love with her, and by the way she looks at you, I can tell she is too." What did she mean by that? "I think you know what I mean, Zephyr," Elle added with a grin, as though reading my mind.

"But I don't know what you mean!" I protested, thoroughly confused by what she actually meant.

"Oh, silly, oblivious boys," She said, shaking her head in shame. "They never can see the obvious. Here's a tip Zephyr: look a little deeper. It'll all make sense soon."

"But… What?" Now I was extremely confused. Elle elbowed me in the ribs to tell me that Nudge was walking over, and then went to talking to Fredrick.

"So Fredrick, when do you think the eggplant terrorists will attack?"

As Nudge walked back over towards the table, the world seemed to slow down. It was like a slow motion scene in a movie when the girl walks in slow motion right by a fan and she flips her hair and looks all hot and stuff. Only, Nudge wasn't walking by a fan, and she didn't flip her hair, and there was no slow motion. She was still hot though.

Damn it, Gazzy, get ahold of yourself. She isn't even paying attention to you as she walks to the table. There you are, sitting awkwardly with your mouth open because you're attracted to your gorgeous friend. And there she is, looking gorgeous and probably thinking about her boyfriend. Or _was_ she thinking about her boyfriend? Why would she be looking straight into my eyes if she were thinking about her boyfriend? Pull it together, man. You've got to look, well, not like you do now. No girl wants to see you staring at her while your jaw is on the floor. It's kind of a turn off.

After a few moments that seemed… well, longer, Nudge sat back down and turned towards me. Elle had successfully distracted Fredrick, and Iggy had accidentally sat on Fredrick's grandfather's date, so we actually got a chance to talk.

"Hey," She said with a smile that seemed almost guarded. "Elle and Fredrick seem to have hit it off."

"Yeah, I guess," I said with a shrug, but on the inside I was cheering. It was like Fredrick hadn't noticed that Nudge existed.

"What are you going to eat?" She asked, with a slightly jumpy tone. "I think I'm going to get the bacon wrapped filet."

"That sounds really good," I agreed, trying to not sound nervous. I got these pains in my chest and I knew it was her fault… My legs were shaking and I was tapping my fingers on the table I was so nervous. Not to mention the fact that I freaking did NOT KNOW WHY.

Nudge smiled again and things got all awkward for a moment. "So, uh, how did you meet Elle?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," I said, lowering my head. My cheeks were most likely as red as Nudge's shoes by now. "She's not really my girlfriend or a prospective girlfriend or anything like that at all. She's a lesbian from my chemistry class that didn't want to write her paper on francium. It was a fair trade."

"Why did you even feel the need to bring a date?" Nudge raised an eyebrow quizzically. I don't even think quizzically is a word. Maybe it is. I shall never know.

"I didn't want to feel like a third wheel, and I thought that maybe a hot date would… never mind. It's stupid," Damn it, Gazzy. You. Are. So. Stupid.

For a few moments there was an awkward silence before Iggy shouted, "GUPPY!" Another awkward silence occurred, however, this time it didn't just apply to our table. "You need to accept who you are! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY! Just tell your father! He will accept you! I accept you, young guppy! We all accept you, young guppy! Let's all hear it for my young guppy!" At this time, Iggy stood up on the table and began shouting. "GUPPY! GUPPY! GUPPY!"

Out of confusion, the entire restaurant joined in. "GUPPY! GUPPY! GUPPY!" Fredrick was even fist pumping (oddly enthusiastically).

"FREDRICK HUMPERDINK ACCEPTS YOU, GUPPY!" The restaurant was again awkwardly silent.

Fredrick's grandfather, who said to the Playboy bunny, "C'mon toots, let's blow this popsicle stand. I want you straddling more than my Harley," broke the silence. A few of the patrons coughed awkwardly while Fredrick looked traumatized. His therapist would hear about this.

Iggy stepped down from the table, saying, "Thank you all. Maybe we can all come together sometime soon to conquer the eggplant terrorists." At this, Fredrick cheered. "Support group meeting adjourned."

"Uh," Elle awkwardly said. "Thanks? I've known you for five minutes, but okay. My dad already knows… Everyone knows."

"Oh," Iggy blushed. "Well, who wants pie?"

"Um, Iggy, we haven't even eaten dinner yet," Nudge pointed out. That didn't stop Iggy though.

"We don't discriminate foods, Nudge," Iggy said in a _duh_ tone, before yelling, "WAITRESS! I NEED PIE! NOW! OR ELSE NO TIP FOR YOU! PIE IS NEEDED! NOW!"

A waitress scurried over and took our dessert orders, all pie, which was Iggy's treat. I was honestly shocked that she didn't kick us out. Maybe she was inspired by his moving speech. Fredrick seemed to be.

"That was just the best thing ever, Jeffrey. You truly are an inspiration to children. They should name a monument after you. Maybe even a library, that's how inspirational you are. When we conquer the eggplants, the government will have to name something after you! You are my idol!"

"What a coincidence!" Iggy exclaimed. "I'm my idol too!"

When the waitress came back with the pie, Fredrick took her hand. "Are you prepared for the towel apocalypse?" After seeing the terrified waitress shake her head no, Fredrick looked shocked. "You haven't prepared? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

She ran out the door screaming.

"People these days," Fredrick said, shaking his head in disappointment. "They just don't understand the danger they're really in. EYEBROWS!"

We all just chose to ignore the fact that he randomly yelled eyebrows. Nothing could shock me after tonight. Unless if Nudge confessed her love for me, of course. But that would never happen. My life is depressing.

After the delicious pie, we decided to actually order dinner, but before I could, Nudge motioned me outside. What did she want to talk about? As soon as we were out of the building she seemed to pale and tried to turn back inside.

"We need to talk," She said, mustering the confidence to stay out side, but looking down and biting her lip nervously. "Well, kind of. I need to talk… to you. About something really important. I'm just not sure how to word this, which is really weird for me considering the fact that I usually cannot stop talking. Do you ever feel like…? No, you probably don't. Never mind, this is stupid. Let's just go back inside. I'm wasting your time."

"What's wrong, Nudge? You could never be a waste of time to me," I asked, grabbing her arm so she wouldn't run away. Her brown eyes looked scared as she shook her head and attempted to break free of my grip, tripping in the process. I managed to catch her, but when I saw how beautiful she looked as she blushed, I did the stupidest thing possible.

I kissed her.

* * *

><p><strong>Nudge POV<strong>

He kissed me. Yeah, he turned around and ran away, (dropping the keys to his truck in the process) but he still kissed me. What the hell just happened? Iggy must've heard what happened, because in three seconds flat he was standing right next to me.

"I'm going to find him," Iggy said, pulling off his jacket so he could follow Gazzy. Before he could take off, I grabbed his arm.

"No," I said. "Let Gazzy be. We'll tell Fredrick and Elle he had an emergency call from Angel. I'll talk to him once I get things… sorted out." Iggy nodded and we headed back to the table.

"Where'd Zephyr go?" Elle immediately asked. Damn it. I was actually going to have to talk to these people, wasn't I?

"Oh, uh, Angel had an emergency so she came and picked him up. I've got Zephyr's car keys so I'll take you and Jeffery home." Elle seemed content with that answer so I kind of just pretended to listen to everyone's conversations. In reality, there was no way I would be able to focus on stupid small talk.

There were much more important thoughts at hand.

Why did Gazzy…? Could he actually? No. It had to have been a mistake or something. Why else would he have run off? But Fredrick was still in the picture, so maybe that was why he fled. I needed to talk to Gazzy. Though I would have to deal with Fredrick eventually. Damn it, why did that boy have to make things difficult?

Dinner went by quickly, and since Iggy couldn't drive, I dropped off Elle at her house and headed over to Iggy and Gazzy's apartment. "Stay in the truck," I warned Iggy as I headed inside to go talk to Gazzy. I walked in the door, trying to come up with something to say when I saw Gazzy. Nothing came to mind, of course. Stupid boy screwing with my stupid mind.

Finally coming up with a magnificent greeting, I walked in the door, only to find that Gazzy wasn't home. Where the hell could he be? He has no social life, so there was no way he would actually be anywhere fun. I instantly thought of Angel. She would know where Gazzy was, right?

"Hello?" Angel asked, sounding tired and annoyed. "What do you want?"

"Where's Gazzy?" I asked, not bothering to say anything else.

"I don't know," She snapped. "He and Iggy both blocked their minds about three hours ago. Just like you. What's going on, Nudge?"

"Nothing," I immediately said. "Just… tell me if you hear from him, okay?" Angel sighed, but agreed, so I hung up, told Iggy he could come inside, parked Gazzy's truck in its usual place, and flew home.

I planned to go straight to sleep, but was instead distracted by a letter propped on my pillow.

* * *

><p><strong>AN Dos: **Before I leave you… I would like to thank my darling ClassyIsMyMiddleName and my guppy Callmemrsblack for encouraging me to write while I was with them. And for providing me with Cheez-Its while I wrote. I owe you both pie.

Also, Gabby, I said I would dedicate this chap to you. Why? Because you helped me pass my science quiz.

Many thanks, dear readers!


	10. Notes

**A/N:** Wow.. 10th chapter...

I am so, so sorry for the long wait. The past month I have been busy with goliath amounts of schoolwork, a few medical issues, my grandmother visiting, and attempting to make time to see my friends. Not to mention the fact that I haven't exactly been in the mood to write. If I did write well, Nudge would have rejected Gazzy, Gazzy would have killed himself, and Iggy would have died in a car accident. Not exactly fun...

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10: Notes<strong>

**Nudge POV**

"_Dear Monique,_" I read aloud from the letter that I had found on my bed about an hour ago.

"_First off, I want you to know that I love you. Just not the kind of love we both thought it was in the beginning. Well, that you thought it was… I know that this news will crush you, which is why I cannot tell you in person. I couldn't bare to see you hurt because of me. Here goes nothing._

"_I am leaving you, Monique, darling. But I have my reasons, and I know that you will rebound soon. How can you not? You dress fabulously and you could be a model. _

"_Back to the point. Here's the thing: there was always something wrong with out relationship. We aren't meant to be together. We're more… friends than lovers. But I knew there was a reason for meeting you, even if it wasn't because we were supposed to be together. The reason was Jeffery._

"_If it weren't for Jeffery, I wouldn't be writing this letter right now. Only he could give me the courage to be myself, and so fate (and you) brought me to him. I'm sorry if I've led you on, but this is the way it has to be._

"_Why? I'm leaving you, Monique. Leaving you to pursue the real love of my life, Neil Patrick Harris. That's right. I'm gay._

_Thank you, Monique. You and your wonderful friends have helped me learn to accept myself for who I am. I actually gained the courage to tell my grandfather tonight too. Though, I'm not sure he was paying attention. He might've been distracted by the girl he was sucking face with… _

"_Again, I'm sorry for leading you on but it's obvious you never loved me. You have always been in love with Zephyr. Rightfully so, too. He is _very_ easy on the eyes. If he were gay… Never mind. He's yours, Monique. I know what happened earlier tonight. Go find him. You'll regret it if you don't. _

_Much love,_

_Your ex-boyfriend Fredrick Humperdinck_

_P.S. I expect an invitation to the wedding."_

"What the hell is this?" Fang asked in confusion. Well, as confused as Fang can show. "Let me see it," He looked as though he wanted to say more, but instead just shook his head slightly, reading the letter over again.

"Is it true?" Max asked eyes boring into me like lasers. She could be scary without meaning to sometimes.

"Is what true?" I decided to play dumb, but internally knew it would never work. "If you're asking me if Fredrick is gay, I think the answer is obviously yes." Max gave me another death glare, not needing to say what she meant. It was time to suck it up and admit it to someone other than myself. "Okay, I know what you're asking. Yeah, I guess I am in love with Gazzy."

It felt… strange to say that out loud. Strange, but well, relieving. No longer would I have to hide my thoughts from Angel, explain my constant mumbling to Ella. It was out in the open, and no matter how scared I was, I knew that this would be for the better.

Max took in a deep breath, her face expressionless. Fang was also unreadable, but that wasn't very uncommon for Fang. Neither spoke, which worried me. They made it impossible to tell what they were thinking, and to be honest I was petrified of their reactions.

"Okay," She sighed, and I couldn't tell if she was unhappy or just shocked. I hoped for the latter. "Now what happened earlier tonight? Don't even think about trying to skirt around this."

Oh crap, I had to tell her. I didn't even want to say it out loud. "Umm, he well," I sighed. Ella was going to be pissed if I didn't tell her first, so I quickly called her, put it on speaker and started talking as soon as she picked up. "Hi, Ella, don't kill me for not telling you earlier, but shut up and listen."

"What the hell, Nudge? Did you-" Being the wonderful best friend I am, I cut her off.

"Well, tonight at dinner, Gazzy brought this date and I got all jealous, but then she turned out to be lesbian and Iggy gave this speech and it was all so inspirational and then there was this pie and I knew I had to tell Gazzy how I feel so I tried to, but then I tripped and he kissed me!" I said all of this in one breath and would be shocked if they understood any of it. "Then he flew off and I had to go in there and act like I was on love with Fredrick. It was hell. Hell, I say! Oh, but it's okay, Ella. Fredrick's gay. He left me a weird letter saying he's off to pursue Neil Patrick Harris."

There were a few moments of silence before Elle spoke up. "I am officially confused. How do you feel about Gazzy exactly? And why was Iggy giving an inspirational speech?"

"I-I think I'm in love with him, Ella," I admitted. She squealed as expected. "Oh, and Iggy's speech was quite fantastic. I think I'll be calling everyone 'Guppy' for at least a month though."

Max stood next to me, looking slightly shocked. "Well, hasn't this been an eventful day. Have you talked to Gazzy?"

"No," I said, my shuffling feet suddenly becoming quite interesting. "He wasn't at his apartment and he isn't answering the phone. Iggy wasn't able to reach him either."

"You need to talk to him," Max said, as though the idea had just come to her. "Do you have any idea where he could be?"

"Actually," I said, thinking back a few months. "I think I might."

* * *

><p><strong>Gazzy POV:<strong>

Ihave no idea what brought me there, all I knew was that there was only one place on the world in my mind and I needed it. Honestly, if I had been in my right mind, it was probably the last place on Earth I would have chosen, but something told me it was necessary. All that mattered was the fact that I was by the ocean, the air was fresh, and I could get everything out of my mind. I didn't have to think about her.

Well, I had _hoped_ I wouldn't have to think about her.

Truth be told, she was the only thing on my mind. I had missed dozens of calls from her, Fredrick, and Iggy. There was no way I was going to answer though; I didn't need to be yelled at. I already hated myself without getting screamed at by Nudge.

Nudge. I winced at the thought of what had happened at dinner.

How could I be so thoughtless? There was no way she could ever feel the way I did, and I have no idea what possessed me. What kind of person kisses the girl who you've been raised with that just sees you as a little brother? Apparently me. She would never feel the same way, and I know that. So why would I be such an idiot? My subconscious must have had a reason. Haha, as if. I was just not thinking. If I gave myself 10 more seconds to think, I could have avoided this entire situation. But no. I had to be my rash, senseless self.

Stupid, stupid Gazzy. I grabbed a small rock and threw it off the cliff I was standing on into the ocean below. My phone rang again, and I contemplated throwing it into the ocean as well. I checked caller ID, figuring it would be Nudge, and saw a name I would never have expected.

Fang.

Although I was not in the mood to talk, there was no way I was going to miss this call. Fang never called anyone other than Max, which was uncommon anyways as they were practically attached at the hip. If he wanted a flock member to know something, he would tell Max to call. We were just used to not talking to Fang by now.

So, despite how much I wanted to not think about the flock at that moment, I picked up the phone.

"Hello," I said, anxious to discover what the call was about. "Is everyone okay?"

"Is everyone okay?" Fang practically growled. I was honestly shocked. Rarely ever did Fang speak with any emotion. Only when he was really pissed could you actually tell how he felt. I'm guessing he was really pissed. "What the hell is wrong with you, Gazzy? Do you have any idea what Nudge is going through right now?"

Oh. I should've known that Nudge had told Fang. There were few things Nudge didn't tell Fang. It had been that was ever since they had gotten separated from Max all those years ago in the cave. They had a strange bond, different from that any other flock members shared. I never understood it, and asked her about it once, but she just shrugged. Probably just one of those things I would never understand.

"I could probably guess. Disgust because of a stupid mistake I made? You don't need to tell me about how much she hates me, I already got that figured out."

"Damn it, Gazzy. Will you ever see past your nose? You just don't get it do you?" See past my nose? What the hell did that mean? Before I could think, I had hung up the phone.

Damn it, what had I done? Now I not only had Nudge mad at me, but Fang too. Which means that Max is probably pissed as well. Curse my talent for screwing things up.

As I looked up into the sky, I wondered how long I had been here. It must've been almost all night because the sun was beginning to rise. In a few hours or so, people would show up and I would have most likely passed out. Which is probably why I decided to look for a hotel or something to stay at.

After a few minutes, I found something that looked like a hotel, not even bothering to check the name or anything. I was too tired to care at this point.

"What can I do for you?" The elderly woman at the front desk spoke in an abnormally perky tone for 6 o'clock in the morning.

"I need a room as soon as possible," I said, handing her a credit card. "I don't care how crappy the room it, I just need one."

"Of course, sweetie," She said with a smile. "Here's your room key. A-16. Down the hall on your left. Enjoy your stay!"

I plastered on a smile in return, thanked her and walked down the hall, collapsing as soon as I saw the bed.

* * *

><p>A few hours later, I woke up due to the fact that something had just landed on my face. A bird. And not just any bird either.<p>

"Baconette? What the hell?" Stating that I was confused would be the understatement of the century. I looked around the room, but no one was there. To be honest, I was slightly terrified. Baconette kept pecking at me with her beak, and it was then that I noticed the note wrapped around her foot.

_Meet me at the wharf in 30 minutes for lunch. We need to talk. Don't even think about avoiding me. I know where you are. –N_

Nudge. I didn't want to talk to Nudge. Talking would lead to yelling and no one likes yelling. I knew I was an idiot, did she really need to tell me that?

_Think of the flock, stupid._

Damn conscience. Better get ready for lunch then.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2:** Holy crap! This story actually was going to just be a one-shot, so I am extremely shocked to have just written the tenth chapter.

First of all, I want to thank **ClassyIsMyMiddleName** and **Callmemrsblack** for being the best people alive :) You two have provided me with tons of support and Cheez-Itz and love and inspiration and Beauty and the Beast and awkward Dalton conversations (Classy...) and I love you for it. Oh, and for naming most of my chapters, dear Classy! Thanks sooo much!

Second, a shout out to my amazing class mates for being insane enough to provide me with the willpower to write. You just say the most insane things... "Let me see it, Captain HORRRRster" Oh, gosh...

And last, but not least! (Probably most, actually!) Thank you to everyone who actually reads this! Thanks for putting up with my non-updatedness, my insanities, and all my typo's. :) I love each and every one of you for it!

Much love,

a happy FutureGingerQueen


	11. Confrontation

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the long wait... This chapter was difficult for me to write and I was unsure of how to tackle it until, well, Friday. And it's quite short, so sorry for that :(

ALSO: This is the last normal chapter, you could say. The next will be an epilogue of sorts, and I promise it won't take quite as long because I have it all sorted out in my head. :) I'm going to miss this story, though it'll be nice to finally be free to tackle the plot bunnies of my rather insane mind!

So here you go! Enjoy, darlings!

**Chapter 11: **Confrontation

**Gazzy POV:**

"We need to talk."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Talk? There's no need to talk."

"Shut up before I hurt you. We need to talk."

Damn it. Well, at least I tried.

"Uh, well, I guess I should explain then," I finally said. "Can I start off by apologizing? Because I was really stupid and I know you have a boyfriend and I know you probably told you and he probably wants me dead. You probably want me dead too. Who just goes and kisses someone? An idiot. I'm an idiot, Nudge. I really hope Fredrick isn't mad at you because if he makes you happy that's all I could ever want for you. Crap! I'm rambling, I'm so sorry! Gosh, I'm so stupid."

I turned away from Nudge completely, not even wanting to see her facial expression. She probably hated me.

"Gazzy, look at me," She demanded and I finally looked at her. Instead of the vitriolic glare I was expecting, Nudge's visage was anxious. "I'm not mad at you. Neither is Fredrick. Quite the contrary, actually."

"Do explain," I said, attempting to keep calm.

"Turns out Fredrick's gay. Yeah, I'm honestly not all that surprised though." Nudge began with a weak smile. "Now, Gazzy, I'm going to make this easy on you. I'm going to ask you a few questions and I just want you to answer honestly. No lying or skirting around the answer. Why did you run away after you kissed me?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I began. "You have, well had, a boyfriend. You're one of my best friends. You're the epitome of perfection while I'm that weird guy with Power Ranger boxers who likes to blow stuff up with his blind best friend. How could I ever have a chance with you? I panicked, afraid of the consequences for my pure stupidity. Wow, that might just be the deepest thing I've said out loud." Key words being out loud.

Nudge smiled softly. "What makes you think you don't have a chance with me?"

"Oh, just the fact that you're funny, smart, beautiful. Wait, am I saying this out loud?" I was pretty sure my face was the color of a tomato, or a lobster, or something else red.

"Yeah, you are," Nudge said, also slightly red. "Gazzy, I'm not perfect. Far from it actually. And I don't think you give yourself enough credit. My wit pales in comparison to yours, and I don't think I've met anyone else so full of random facts about everything. Not to mention that you're definitely easy on the eyes," She added, suddenly quite interested in the floor.

We sat in silence for a few moments, not quite sure of what to say. When Nudge finally looked up at me again, she looked a little scared.

"Thank you," Nudge whispered, almost too quietly for me to hear.

"For what?" I asked. "I've always been thoughtless, immature, and slightly insane. What is there to thank me for?"

"You've always been there for me no matter what," Nudge seized my hand and my heart soared, cheesy as that is. "Whether it was a breakup or chemistry homework, you were always the one who could help me through it. I've never thanked you enough for everything you've done for me." She cupped my face with her hands and smiled nervously.

As her lips met mine, my heart exploded. What was happening? She was kissing me. Kissing. Me. Nudge. Me. Kissing.

When our lips parted, I was unable to form a coherent sentence. Nudge smirked, probably at my shocked expression.

"So?" She said, obviously trying not to laugh at my face.

"Wait a second while I try to process what just happened," I said, studying her now nervous features. "Did you just…?"

"Yes," Nudge smiled once more and I finally had a grasp on the situation. "And, Gazzy, there's something I need to tell you." I nodded and she continued. "I think, well, actually, I know, I'm in love with you."

"I love you too," I said, and it felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off of my chest. "Damn, that feels good to say."

"Yeah," She said, squeezing my hand that I hadn't realized she was holding. "Yeah it does."

For a while we just sat there, enjoying the silent company of each other.

I don't know how long we were there, but the silence was only broken by Nudge's murmur of "Maybe this will work out after all."


	12. Epilogue

**Author's Note:** Well, this is it, guys. It's been a lot of fun while it lasted, but this story has come to an end. Thank you for sticking around and reading my plotless story that might not have made any sense :)

Special thanks to Classy and Mrs. Black! You two have fed me food, inspired me, bought me wonderful presents and notebooks, and just been plain wonderful. Love you both! (And I still owe you pie, my dear Reed)**  
><strong>

Hope you like the epilogue! (More like collectivization of drabbles, but oh well.)

Much love,

Future Ginger Queen

**Epilogue**

**Third Person:**

"Good luck, buddy," Iggy said, patting his friend on the back. "Hope you live through the wedding, though. Nudge is bound to be a bridezilla."

"Thanks," Gazzy replied, trying to act like he didn't believe Iggy's prediction. "But it can't be too bad can it?"

* * *

><p>"Hey, Nudge," Fang said as Nudge came skipping through the door.<p>

"Someone's excited," Max remarked, rolling her eyes and going back to the sandwich Fang had made her.

"Oh my God, I can't believe what just happened! He just- Oh my God!" Nudge was far too happy to actually explain what happened.

"Spit it out, Nudge!" Max threw a pack of sticky notes at Nudge to try and get the girl to focus.

"Gazzy proposed!" Nudge said, and Max ran over to hug her. Fang smiled and awkwardly patted Nudge on the back.

After a few minutes of ear-deafening squeals, Nudge finally composed herself enough to ask Fang a question. "Fang, will you give me away?"

"Of course I will," he replied, giving Nudge a hug.

* * *

><p>Nudge sat in the bridal salon, flipping through one of her magazines for the thousandth time. Checking her watch, she noticed that her appointment was supposed to begin seven minutes ago.<p>

"These people must be so unprofessional," She rolled her eyes. "I can't be here all day."

"It's going to be fine, Nudge," Ella said, hoping the appointment would go better than she was expecting. Nudge could be a bit of a perfectionist sometimes, and when things go wrong, she tended to overreact.

"Hi, my name's Chelsea and I'll be your bridal consultant today," A peppy blonde said, extending her hand to Nudge. "Do you have any idea what kind of dress you're looking for?"

"You're late," Nudge said without shaking Chelsea's hand.

"I am so sorry about that," the consultant said. "There was an emergency. So, any ideas for the dress?"

"I know exactly what I'm looking for," Nudge said. "And if you can't find perfection, heads will roll."

"Good luck," Ella said with a sigh before getting hit on the head with a bridal magazine from her best friend.

* * *

><p>"So, what kind of cake do you want, honey?" Nudge asked her fiancée as they walked in the bakery.<p>

"Chocolate, I guess?" Gazzy shrugged. "Everyone loves chocolate cake, right? Chocolate cake and bacon are the two things no one can refuse."

"Seriously, Gazzy? Chocolate cake is so cliché! We're getting blue velvet cake with buttercream frosting," The bride to be said matter-of-factly.

"What the hell is blue velvet cake?" Gazzy muttered barely loud enough for Nudge to hear.

"What did you just say?"

"Sounds delicious, darling."

"Thought so."

* * *

><p>On the day of her wedding, Nudge was on the phone with the florist. "I specifically said light pink camellias and white peonies. These are dark pink! And why is there a rose in one of the arrangements? I specifically stated no roses! Are you trying to ruin my wedding? I need you here in five minutes to fix these bouquets or you will not be paid!"<p>

"Uh, Nudge," Max opened the door to the room Nudge was in, looking anxious.

"Max! Just the person I needed to see. Has the cake arrived yet? I need to make sure it's perfect before any of the guests so much as catch a glimpse of it," Nudge was rambling, so to get her attention Max coughed, obviously nervous. "What's wrong?"

"Well, I have good news and bad news," She said, trying to smile though the situation looked grim. Nudge was not going to be happy when she found out. "The bad news is that Father Leonard ate some bad sushi and won't be able to perform the ceremony.

"What? My wedding is ruined! First the flowers and now this, what am I-"

"But before you freak out, I found a replacement! Turns out Iggy is a certified officiant!"

"No. This is not happening. Tell the guests that there has been an accident and the wedding will happen some other time. Iggy is not taking part in the ceremony in any way."

* * *

><p>As Fang walked Nudge down the aisle, all eyes were on her. She looked flawless in her couture dress, and Gazzy had to suppress the urge to jump her then and there. Then again, he normally had the urge to jump her.<p>

While Nudge was still angry about the fact that Iggy was the officiant, the fact that Gazzy was waiting at the end of the aisle calmed her. Not to mention the fact that he looked damn sexy in that tux.

When Fang and Nudge reached the end of the aisle, they could hear Dr. M's sobbing. Nudge giggled and hugged her quiet friend before stepping up to stand with Gazzy and Iggy.

"We are gathered here today to mourn the death of Gazzy's freedom," Iggy began. "No more one night stands, late night trips to the strip club, prostitutes... Oh, wait. Gazzy's lame and whipped so he never actually did any of that stuff anyways."

"I'm not whipped!" Gazzy automatically protested. "Or lame!"

"Shut up, Gazzy. We all know you're whipped," Nudge said, completely serious.

"Can we get back to the wedding?" Gazzy asked, and the flock laughed. "I prefer to not debate whether or not I'm whipped."

"Yes, back to the wedding," Iggy agreed. "Anyways, where was I? Oh yes, I was just talking about new life. Well, I guess I should probably make sure these two actually get married soon before they die of sexual repression. That's the one thing good about marriage, I guess. Awesome sex. Then again, that might already be happening because I know that bra I found wasn't mine, and I honestly hope it wasn't Gazzy's."

"Iggy!" Nudge shrieked, looking as though she were about to murder Iggy then and there. No, it would have to wait until the reception.

"Anyways, why Gazzy and Nudge are getting married, I'll never understand. A lot of the time they can't stand each other, but when they can, you don't want to be in the room," Iggy said. "Now, normally, I would allow the lovely couple to say their own vows, but instead I'm going to interpret them with sock puppets!"

Gazzy and Nudge both groaned, but knew there was nothing that could be done. Iggy began "their" vows, taking out the blond puppet obviously meant to be Gazzy.

"Hi! I'm Gazzy and I'm lame, but Nudge is awesome, and I'm not just saying that because I'm completely whipped. I love her so much and I get really horny sometimes, so I'm marrying her so I can jump her more often. Yay!" Iggy, Nudge, and the guests laughed, but Gazzy looked completely uncomfortable. He pulled out another sock puppet that looked like Nudge. Putting on a preppy "valley girl" accent, he began. "Oh my God, guys! My name's, like, Nudge, and I have anger issues and hit people a lot, so it's really surprising that Gazzy could ever love me! But even though I'm way too hot for Gazzy, other people won't date me because I hit them too much! So yeah, I guess I can't do any better!"

Nudge attempted to compose herself, but everyone knew that Iggy would get it at the reception. Gazzy squeezed her hand, praying his best friend would live to see another day.

"I love you," He whispered in Nudge's ear as Iggy continued to ramble on about how stupid they both were.

"I love you too," Nudge replied, smiling more than she had all week. "And don't get mad at Iggy."

"Why?" Gazzy was confused. Hadn't Iggy just ruined her perfect vision for their wedding?

"I actually am getting exactly what I wanted," She smiled even wider. "An unforgettable day."

"Well, since we're running out of time, I guess I have one more matter of business to attend to before I go get extremely drunk," Iggy said with a lopsided grin. "I now pronounce you old and boring. You may kiss the bride."

And Gazzy sure did.


End file.
